As a mother of three children, I know from experience how birthing a child into the world can be a traumatic event. I don’t think we talk about it enough.
My intention in sharing my story is to help you share yours as well. It’s important to talk about your experience and to feel heard, to release some of the emotions and not just store them inside of you.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I read lots of books and watched birth videos. I was supervised by a midwife and followed the recommended schedule of appointments with my partner to be as prepared as possible.
Although we thought we were informed and prepared, it turned out to be a traumatic event, and we were not at all prepared for the way things went.
We planned a home birth with a midwife
We had decided to do a home birth with a birthing pool. We thought that being at home would be the safest and easiest option. Looking back, I wish we had visited the obstetric department at the hospital and seen how convenient, luxurious, and private it was. I also wish I had known how messy birth was, and that we had known about the cleaning up that was required after birth — which you don’t have to do at the hospital!
My water broke at 8 pm while we were watching a movie. I was lying down on the couch and heard a “pop” sound. I stood up, and water started to leak down on my leg onto the floor. We got excited and wondered what the next step was — should we fill up the birthing pool? Call the midwife? We decided to go for a short walk to help the labour progress, and started to monitor the contractions. The contractions were far apart, and we tried to rest that night.
The next morning, we called the midwife, and she came mid-morning. She said I was in active labour, dilated at 3 cm, and would have a baby by dinner time. I now see that this was a mistake that set me up with unrealistic expectations, and from that point on, I kept on looking at the time.
An unplanned visit to the hospital
At midnight the midwife told me that I was fully dilated and told me to start pushing, even though I didn’t feel the urge to push. As I started to push, my cervix kept swelling over the baby’s head and she had to put her hand into my vagina to push the cervix back over the baby’s head. I pushed for three hours without progress.
At 3 am, without any warning, the midwife told us that we had to go to the hospital. After 31 hours of labour, this caught us by surprise. She hadn’t advised us to have a bag ready just in case. I guess we should have known, but . . . we didn’t.
Once we arrived at the hospital, the doctor tried forceps, which was quite traumatizing on its own to see how much force and yanking the doctor used to try to get the baby out. When that didn’t work, we were told that they were going to do an emergency C-section.
My partner had to leave the room while they gave me a spinal, which is a little different than an epidural, but has a similar purpose. The anesthesiologist wasn’t careful or professional and kept trying to puncture me while I was having contractions. At this point, I had been through over 30 hours of labour without any sleep or much rest and I was exhausted. They punctured me over a dozen times before succeeding.
After they finally injected me with a spinal, they rolled me toward the operating room for an emergency C-section. My partner was allowed to be back with me. I remember not being able to feel or move my legs anymore, and crying, telling my partner I was scared while he was holding my hand. Our baby boy was finally born, and we were taken to a recovery room.
Complications
Over the next few days at the hospital, I kept complaining about a stiff neck and sore head. I was being told it was muscle pain from birth and that everything would be okay once I recovered. I kept saying that I know my body, and that it didn’t feel like normal muscle pain and stiffness.
I was sent home three days later, and the symptoms didn’t improve. They kept getting worse. I had to wear sunglasses inside the house because light was affecting me. I had a massive headache and couldn’t hold my head upright. When I started asking my husband if he could hear “bird noises” in the house, he decided to take me back to the hospital, where I was told that I was suffering from a spinal fluid leak. They had to take blood from my arm and inject it into my spine in the hope of “sealing” the leak. It magically worked, and I was sent back home to recover again.
This was a difficult adjustment, recovering from this traumatic event while also recovering from the C-section, and learning to look after our first baby.
Understanding Traumatic Birth
I wish the story ended there, but our son suffered a kink in his neck from the forceps, and it took us a while to realize it. He was crying all the time in pain, and we couldn’t understand what was going on.
The first couple of years as a parent were difficult, and I wish that I had had more support to navigate the difficult emotional recovery. Looking back, I wish that someone had talked to me about it, to help me process the event. This is where a counsellor can help you, through talk therapy and somatic processing.
Addressing Traumatic Birth Experiences
With our second son, I managed to have a vaginal birth after the previous C-section, and was only in labour for eight hours. The third time around, at 42 years old, was fantastic! I felt empowered, cared for, supported, and managed to have a vaginal birth without any tears because of the excellent doctor and nurse that were with us.
My partner caught the baby, and our third son came out into the world peacefully without even crying. It was beautiful. We’re feeling blessed and grateful.
I hope that you never have to go through a difficult birth, but if you have, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you. To begin, please schedule a free session with me info@vancouverislandholisticcounselling.ca
Make sure you check my post about “Exercising During Pregnancy: My Personal Experience, Tips for Staying Healthy and Dispelling Myths”
A decade ago, a friend recommended that I do the self-study daily lessons from the book called A Course in Miracles, also referred to as ACIM, or The Course, written in 1976 by Helen Schucman.
I’ve tried many times, but had such a difficult time with the Christian terminology that I couldn’t get through it. Then when I started my three-year Transpersonal Therapeutic Counselling program with Clearmind, it was part of the program. We were strongly encouraged to work through A Course in Miracles, as many other universal spiritual teachings also recommend it. In fact, it’s often referred to as a system of spiritual psychology.
What is A Course in Miracles and what has it taught me?
Since the book first came out in 1976 it has been translated into 27 languages and has been distributed around the world.
The premise is that the greatest “miracle” is the act of simply gaining a full “awareness of love’s presence” in a person’s life, designed to bring a state of happiness and peace to the student through the application of its principles.
“A Course in Miracles is a modern-day program for healing the Mind, removing all judgment, learning to trust the Higher Self/Holy Spirit/Intuition, and coming to consistent Peace of Mind.” —David Hoffmeister
The Course aims to help us remove the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence and to start listening to our inner teacher, the “Voice for God.”
The 1250-page, three-volume curriculum consists of a Text, Workbook for Students, and Manual for Teachers. It teaches that the way to universal love and peace—or remembering God—is by undoing guilt through forgiving others. The Course thus focuses on the healing of relationships and making them holy. A Course in Miracles is a universal spiritual teaching, not a religion.
The lessons do not require a lot of time, nor long practice periods, but they do require a willingness to question every value one holds, beliefs as to what the world is all about, and the willingness to see things differently—through the eyes of God.
The teachings of the Course are non-dualistic, based on the belief that there is a oneness which connects us all. It’s a unified field of awareness where everything is completely connected. Every star, galaxy, atom, and molecule are all connected, even though the ego believes in space, time, and distance, which makes it seem like we’re disconnected and separate.
The physical world we appear to be in is an illusion of our own making. It is a manifestation of our false belief in separation. There is no separation between God and ourselves or therefore, between any of us.
God is love, eternal and infinite, and all there is. We are God’s one creation. God only creates beings like Himself, and we remain as God created us, innocent and whole. God did not create pain, death, guilt or fear, so although they exist in our experience, they are not real.
The Course aims at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence. Rather than trying to change external circumstances, the Course teaches us to change our perceptions about the world.
My insights
As I worked through the course, I realized that I couldn’t recognize my own perfection. Feeling either “less than” or “better than” kept me in constant separation thinking. I spent so much energy either defending or attacking this idea.
We keep feeling unworthy because we keep denying the worthiness of our brothers and sisters. The judge feels judged, and the attacker always feels attacked. It’s an inside job.
Through the teachings, we seek not to change the world but to change our mind about ourselves.
The peace of God is reached through the practice of forgiveness. ACIM is teaching us about our perfect equality; that everyone and everything is perfectly equal. We are reflections of this Divine Oneness. We need to be freed from all these ego beliefs of inferiority and superiority, of having a false sense of pride, as well as shame and deep unworthiness. All of these concepts are part of a mask that’s worn to act as a cover over our true Christ Identity.
The study and learning of A Course in Miracles can be like climbing a ladder. Each rung represents a new realm of understanding where beautiful pearls of wisdom have more and more depth the higher one climbs. It’s a pathway of quantum forgiveness.
The psychology concepts ACIM talks about are projection, repression, and denial—the dynamics of the ego that keep us trapped. We remain locked in defense and attack whenever we are using these mechanisms. That’s what the Workbook is about, clearing away the ego debris from the mind, and learning how to trust in Spirit and let go of judgment, criticism, and condemnation.
Every lesson gives an opportunity for deeper learning. That’s why there are so many books that try to explain and deepen the teachings of ACIM! There are also study groups to help really embody the teachings.
For example, let’s work with this one for a moment: “I am never upset for the reason I think (Lesson 5).”
Whatever you’re upset about is an illusion. I am more interested in the truth than in the stories we make up. Come back into right mind and be miracle-minded. Notice that every time we’re upset, we have given meaning to something that is not true.
Practice saying, “I am never upset for the reason I think. I am willing to know the truth and light up my mind. To find the kingdom within and stop looking outside of myself.”
The only happiness there is comes from finding the kingdom within. Let’s align with truth.
Favourite lessons from A Course in Miracles
I see only the past (Lesson 7)
I am determined to see things differently (Lesson 21)
God is in everything I see (Lesson 29)
I am not the victim of the world I see (Lesson 31)
I could see peace instead of this (Lesson 34)
My holiness blesses the world (Lesson 37)
God goes with me everywhere I go (Lesson 41)
There is nothing to fear (Lesson 48)
I am the light of the world (Lesson 61)
Love holds no grievances (Lesson 68)
I am entitled to miracles (Lesson 77)
I am spirit (Lesson 97)
Forgiveness is the key to happiness (Lesson 121)
Love is the way I walk in gratitude (Lesson 195)
Today belongs to love. Let me not fear (Lesson 274)
All fear is past and only love is here (Lesson 293)
How does this land with you? Have you ever studied A Course in Miracles? Would you?
Meet me for a brief get-to-know-you session to see if you’d like to have me as your counsellor. Book a free consultation by contacting me info@vancouverislandholisticcounselling.ca
The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, helped me gain a better understanding of what attachment theory is and how it works in intimate relationships.
There are 3 mains styles of attachment:
Secure
Anxious-preoccupied
Avoidant-dismissive
According to the authors, the basic principle is that secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Anxious people crave intimacy, though are often preoccupied and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Each of these attachment styles differs in the way they view intimacy and togetherness, the way they deal with conflict, their attitudes toward sex, their ability to communicate needs and wishes, and their expectations they have of their partner and the relationship.
Genetics, as well as your early attachment experiences, can set the template for your relationships throughout your lifespan.
Adult attachment theory teaches us that our brain becomes wired to seek the support of our partner by ensuring the partner’s psychological and physical proximity.
If our partner fails to reassure us, we are programmed to continue our attempts to achieve closeness until the partner does. The theory also teaches us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.
When their emotional needs are met (the earlier the better), they usually turn their attention outward. This is sometimes referred to as the “dependency paradox.”
The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become. Numerous studies have shown that once we become attached to someone, the two people form one physiological unit.
Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood.
Dependency is a fact and not a choice or preference
When two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being. It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.
A secure base is a prerequisite for a child’s ability to explore, develop and learn, and is as essential for the child’s survival as food and water.
Our brain assigns our partner the task of being our secure base, the person we use as an emotional anchor and a safe haven, the one we turn to in time of need.
One of the most important roles we play in our partners’ lives is providing a secure base, creating conditions that enable our partner to pursue their interests and explore the world in confidence.
How to know your partner’s attachment style — a cheat sheet
Secure
Communicates relationship issues well
Is able to compromise
Not afraid of commitment or dependency
Doesn’t view relationships as hard work
Closeness creates further closeness
Introduces friends and family early on
Naturally expresses feelings for you
Doesn’t play games
Reliable and consistent
Makes decisions with you
Has a flexible view of relationship
Anxious
Wants a lot of closeness in the relationship
Expresses insecurities, worries about rejection
Unhappy when not in a relationship
Plays games to keep attention and interest
Has difficulty explaining what is bothering him/her; expects you to guess
Acts out
Has a hard time not making things about him/her in the relationship
Lets you set the tone of the relationship
Is preoccupied with the relationship
Fears that small acts will ruin the relationship, believes she/he must work hard to keep the partner’s interest
Suspicious that you may be unfaithful
Avoidant
Sends mixed signals
Values his/her independence
Devalues you or previous partner
Uses distancing strategies
Emphasizes boundaries in the relationship
Has an unrealistically romantic view of how a relationship should be
Fears being taken advantage of by partner
Uses uncompromising rules and has a rigid view of the relationship
Doesn’t make intentions clear
Has difficulty talking about what is going on between you
The secure attachment style person tends to be reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. They are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive, without worrying much about losing their partner’s love. They feel comfortable with intimacy and closeness and have an uncanny ability to communicate their needs and respond to their partner’s needs.
An anxious attachment style person is more vigilant, watching for changes in others’ emotional expressions, and has a high degree of sensitivity to cues.
An anxious person tends to jump to conclusions quickly, and when they do, they tend to misinterpret people’s emotional states. They need to wait a little longer before reacting and jumping to conclusions.
An avoidant attachment style person is like a lonesome traveler on the journey of life and relationships. They can be quick to think negatively about their partners, often seeing their partner as needy and overly dependent.
Avoidant people tend to have a dismissive attitude toward connectedness. The problem is that along with a self-reliant attitude, they have also trained themselves not to care about the person closest to them, and often blame their unhappiness on their partner.
They believe it’s not their job to take care of somebody else’s well-being, and often use sex to distance themselves from their partner.
The Anxious-Avoidant relationship
There is a dangerous trap — also referred to as a dance — that relationships can fall into. It’s an anxious-avoidant relationship, where one partner is anxious, and the other is avoidant. In this kind of relationship, the partners find it hard to move toward more security because they are trapped in a cycle of exacerbating each other’s insecurities.
Avoidants often inflate their self-esteem and sense of independence in comparison to someone else. And if you are anxious, you are programmed to feel “less than” when your attachment system gets activated.
The anxious partner is usually the one who must make concessions and accept the rules imposed by the avoidant partner.
Other patterns we see in these anxious/avoidant cycles is a high degree of secrecy and blaming the other person for being jealous and needy, while finding ways to spend less time together.
If you’re an anxious person with an avoidant partner, you may feel as if you’re constantly being rejected and rebuffed. After a while you may start blaming yourself, and you might feel unattractive or inadequate.
When the two of you succeed in building a secure relationship, everyone wins. If you are anxious, you get the closeness you crave, and if you are avoidant, you will enjoy the independence you need.
Here are five secure principles for resolving conflict
Show basic concern for the other person’s well-being
Maintain focus on the problem at hand
Refrain from generalizing the conflict
Be willing to engage
Effectively communicate feeling and needs
Whatever attachment style you developed as a child, if it’s causing you difficulties in relationships, please know that you can change for the better over time, particularly with counselling.
Schedule a free session with me to see whether I can help.
Note: I use the terms “counselling” and “therapy” interchangeably throughout this website.
Transpersonal therapists work under a larger umbrella than many other therapists. We have a more varied tool box with which to work from, as we are trained in spiritual counselling as well as modern psychological interventions. It really is the best of both worlds.
Each model has its own theory of human development and its own way of working. Some practitioners, like me, take an eclectic approach, which means that we draw on elements from a variety of different models when working with our clients.
Some styles of counselling are “directive” (suggesting courses of action and perhaps giving homework exercises), and others are “non-directive” (where the client takes the lead in what’s discussed). My work falls into the “non-directive” category.
Below is a summary of the different therapy models I draw from. These represent the main therapeutic orientations taught in my three-year Clearmind International Transpersonal Counselling Program.
Transpersonal counselling
This is an integrative and holistic approach that utilizes creative imagination. It assumes a spiritual dimension to life and human nature. It also presupposes the interconnectedness of all beings with a higher spiritual power, and specifically addresses the bridge between the two.
Transpersonal counselling emphasizes personal empowerment. It takes account of the client’s past experiences, but also looks to the future and what is likely to unfold for them, the challenges they may face, and the qualities that need to emerge to meet those challenges.
The basic belief is that whatever the hardships of human experience, the core essence — or soul — remains undamaged. Unlike most forms of psychotherapy that concentrate on improving mental health, transpersonal therapy takes a more holistic approach, addressing mental, physical, social, emotional, creative, and intellectual needs, with an emphasis on the role of a healthy spirit in healing.
To facilitate healing and growth, transpersonal therapy places great emphasis on honesty, open-mindedness, and self-awareness on the part of the therapist as well as the client.
Humanistic therapy
This approach emphasizes a person’s capacity to make rational choices and develop to their maximum potential. Concern and respect for others are also important themes.
Three types of humanistic therapy are especially influential: person-centered therapy, Gestalt therapy, and existential therapy:
Person-centered (or client-centered) counselling
This is based on the principle that the counsellor provides three core conditions (or essential attributes) that are, in themselves, therapeutic:
Empathy (the ability to imagine oneself in another person’s position)
Unconditional positive regard (warm positive feelings, regardless of the person’s behaviour)
Congruence (honesty and openness)
The counsellor uses the relationship with the client as a means of healing and change. The counsellor provides little authority or direction. Instead, they offer subtle guidance on an individual’s life or mental illness, and encourage the client to take control of their future.
Gestalt therapy
Gestalt therapy emphasizes personal responsibility and helps clients focus on the present. It also stresses the development of the therapist-client relationship, the social context of the client’s life, awareness, attitudes and direct feelings and perceptions rather than interpretations.
Gestalt therapy encourages people to have an active awareness of their present situation and also incorporates communication that goes beyond words. A key part of Gestalt counselling is the dramatization, or acting out, of important conflicts in a person’s life.
This could involve using two or more chairs, for instance, so that they can physically take up different positions to represent different aspects of themselves.
Existential therapy
Existential psychotherapy is based on the model of human nature and experience developed by the existential tradition of European philosophy. It focuses on concepts that are universally applicable to human existence including death, freedom, responsibility, and the meaning of life.
Many existential therapists also make use of basic skills like empathic reflection, Socratic questioning, and active listening. Some may also draw on a wide range of techniques derived from other therapies such as psychoanalysis, Cognitive-behavioural therapy, person-centered, somatic, and Gestalt therapy.
Cognitive-behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT isa directive model, concerned with the way people’s beliefs about themselves shape how they interpret experiences. The objective is to change self-defeating or irrational beliefs and behaviours by altering negative ways of thinking.
Clients learn to monitor their emotional upsets and what triggers them, to identify self-defeating thoughts, to see the connections between their beliefs, feelings and behaviour, to look at the evidence for and against these thoughts and beliefs, and to think in a way that is more realistic and less negative.
The counsellor usually gives the client tasks or homework to do between sessions. This could mean recording thoughts and feelings or doing something that tests out a basic assumption about themselves. This might mean, for instance, going shopping when their fear is that they may panic.
Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is a modified form of cognitive therapy that incorporates mindfulness practices such as meditation and breathing exercises.
Family systems therapy
Family systems therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps individuals resolve their problems in the context of their family units, where many issues are likely to begin. Each family member works together with the others to better understand their group dynamic and how their individual actions affect each other and the family unit as a whole.
One of the most important premises of family systems therapy is that what happens to one member of a family happens to everyone in the family. Many psychological issues begin early in life and stem from relationships within the family of origin, or the family one grows up in, even though these issues often surface later on in life.
Families in conflict, as well as couples and individuals with issues and concerns related to their families of origin, can benefit from family systems therapy.
Attachment-based therapy
Attachment-based therapy is a process-oriented form of psychological counselling. The client-therapist relationship is based on developing or rebuilding trust and centers on expressing emotions.
An attachment-based approach to therapy looks at the connection between an infant’s early attachment experiences with primary caregivers, usually with parents, and the infant’s ability to develop normally and ultimately form healthy emotional and physical relationships as an adult.
Attachment-based therapy aims to build or rebuild a trusting, supportive relationship that will help prevent or treat anxiety or depression.
Psychodrama
Psychodrama is an action method, in which clients use spontaneous dramatization, role playing, and dramatic self-presentation to investigate and gain insight into their lives.
AEDP encourages people to develop a secure attachment so they can physically experience and process difficult emotions. In this approach, the therapist establishes a safe, supportive relationship with the client, and that relationship provides the environment needed for change to occur.
Somatic therapy
Therapists who practice somatic body psychotherapy believe a person’s inner feelings impact their physical form. They use mind-body exercises to release pent-up trauma from the mind and the body. By releasing these bodily sensations, a therapist works towards healing trauma from the inside out with this form of trauma therapy.
Somatic experiencing therapy is a specific approach to somatic therapy and is based on the idea that traumatic experiences cause dysfunction in a person’s nervous system and prevent them from processing the experience.
The goal of somatic experiencing therapy, therefore, is to help an individual notice physical sensations stemming from their mental health issues and use that awareness to work through painful feelings and emotions. This kind of physical sensation can be in the form of chronic pain and other unpleasant symptoms.
Psychodynamic therapy
This is based on the idea that past experiences have a bearing on experiences and feelings in the present, and that important relationships, perhaps from early childhood, may be replayed with other people later in life.
It translates the principles and insights of psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy into once-a-week counselling.
The counsellor usually aims to be as neutral a figure as possible, giving little information about him or herself, making it more likely that important relationships (past or present) will be reflected in the relationship between the client and the counsellor.
This relationship is therefore an important source of insight for both parties and helps the client to work through their difficulties. Developing a trusting and reliable relationship with the counsellor is essential for this work.
Next steps
If you’ve tried to solve your problems on your own and you’re starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, you need outside support, I’m glad you’re here.
Asking for help can be hard, but it’s a great first step toward lasting change.
I will meet you with flexibility, adapting my approach to your unique circumstances. I will help you become who you authentically are, and will greet you with acceptance, knowing that diversity is what makes human beings beautiful.
I see vulnerability as the window to connection and will hold your vulnerability with care and compassion. I take confidentiality seriously and have processes in place to guarantee your privacy.
Your next step: Schedule a free session with me to see how it goes. I look forward to meeting you!
Note: I use the terms “counselling” and “therapy” interchangeably throughout this website.
One of my favourite counselling modalities is drawn from the philosophy of person-centered therapy. It’s a non-directive approach to talk therapy, which means that the therapist believes the client has all the answers within them. The client simply needs a safe non-judgemental space to explore what is alive inside them.
Person-centered therapy is a form of psychotherapy developed by psychologist Carl Rogers in the 1940s. Rather than having an “expert” treating a “patient,” the therapist and client are seen as equal partners.
Person-centered therapy assumes that people are essentially trustworthy and have a vast potential for understanding themselves and resolving their own problems. It emphasizes the client’s capacity for self-awareness and self-healing. The therapist fosters a climate that promotes growth.
The philosophy of this approach is that people are essentially good, and they know what’s right for them. The essential ingredients of successful person-centered therapy are love and empathy.
What to look for in a person-centered therapist
Congruence — being genuine and real. The therapist is willing to transparently relate to clients without hiding behind a professional facade
Unconditional positive regard, acceptance, and caring. This means that the therapist offers acceptance of the client’s feelings and actions, is willing to accept the client as they are, and maintains a positive attitude toward them. The therapist also listens attentively without interrupting, judging, or giving advice.
Empathetic understanding (see below)
The goals of person-centered therapy
With person-centered therapy, the client achieves a greater degree of independence and integration. The therapist provides a climate conducive to helping the individual become a fully functional person.
Clients are encouraged to live in the present rather than in the past or future, and to rely on their own inner experience of each moment to guide their behavior, carry out the responsibilities of their life, and contribute to the world to the best of their ability.
Through a therapeutic attitude of genuine caring, respect, acceptance, support and understanding, the client is able to loosen their defenses and rigid perceptions and move to a higher level of personal functioning.
As the client begins to understand and accept, they become less defensive and more open to their experience. They also become less concerned about meeting the expectations of others and begin to behave in ways that are truer to themselves, increasingly trusting themselves to manage their own lives. Being accepted = accepting themselves.
The therapist’s attitude and way of being with the client constitutes the heart of the change process. The process of being with clients and entering their world perceptions and feelings is often sufficient for bringing about change.
Person-centered therapy assumes that the client has the resourcefulness for positive movement without the counsellor assuming an active, directive role.
This approach emphasizes staying with the client in the moment, rather than getting ahead of them with interpretations. The therapist’s attitude is more important than knowledge, theory, or techniques. The intent is to promote growth, development, maturity, and improved functioning in daily life.
How empathy helps you heal
Empathy is understanding the feelings of another person. A skilled therapist can understand the client and support them by paying attention and valuing their experience. They can help the client see their earlier experiences in new ways, modify their perception of themselves, and increase confidence in making choices and pursuing a course of action.
Research has consistently demonstrated that a therapist’s empathy and radical curiosity are the most potent predictors of a client’s progress in therapy.
A person-centered therapist can see through the client’s eyes, “be in their shoes,” and at the same time retain their own identity. The therapist can sense the client’s subjective experience “as if” they were the client, but never assume they understand based on their own frame of reference.
How to know if your therapist is person-centered
Here’s how to know whether your therapist is person-centered: You should be able to share your internal experiences without your therapist making any judgments, or giving you direct guidance or advice. The relationship you create together is an important part of person-centered therapy.
If you don’t feel understood or supported, it might be important to address these concerns, and if that doesn’t work, consider finding someone else instead.
10 traits of a person-centered therapist:
Sets clear boundaries
Has the attitude that the client knows best
Acts as a sounding board
Isn’t judgemental
Doesn’t make decisions for you
Concentrates on what you are really saying
Is genuine and doesn’t hide behind a professional facade
Accepts negative emotions
Their attitude towards you is more important than their theories
They know their limitations in supporting a client
My promise to you
As a person-centered therapist, I will meet you with flexibility, adapting my approach to your unique circumstances. I will help you become who you authentically are, and will greet you with acceptance, knowing that diversity is what makes human beings beautiful.
I see vulnerability as the window to connection and will hold your vulnerability with care and compassion. I take confidentiality seriously and have processes in place to guarantee your privacy.
Your next step: Schedule a free session with me to see how it goes. I look forward to meeting you!
Self care tips… Being busy should never come at the cost of your overall physical and mental well-being. Not taking the time to care for yourself can put you at increased risk for depression, burnout, and anxiety, which can make you less resilient, productive, and happy. If taking a vacation or going on a full-day spa excursion doesn’t fit into your life, there are a few things you can do at home to help promote mental health through self-care. Keep reading to learn more.
Get Enough Sleep
Getting enough sleep is one of the most valuable methods of facilitating mental well-being. The long-term consequences of sleep deprivation can include heart disease, weight gain, depression, a weakened immune system, and dementia. It’s no wonder that sleep-related illness accounts for $16 billion in medical costs per year. If you want to reduce your risk for the aforementioned sleep deprivation consequences, be sure to get enough sleep.
To start, it may be necessary to evaluate your relationship with sleep. Do you view it as a necessity? Do you have a sleep routine? What makes you sleep poorly? Asking yourself these questions can help to identify the route of your sleep issue. For example, if you sleep poorly only when you haven’t exercised, consider making exercise a part of your daily routine. Additionally, try limiting caffeine, alcohol, and late-night snacks. If you suffer from systemic sleep issues, this may be an indicator of a more serious sleep disorder. If this sounds like you, make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
Do Something You Love
Doing a hobby or activity you love can break-up your daily routine, reduce stress, increase self-esteem, and facilitate relaxation. All too often, people have the tendency to put their passions on life’s “back burner” in favor of more immediate responsibilities — work, chores, errands, etc. That being said, doing something you love each day is a great way to learn new skills, break up daily monotony, stay social, and help keep you motivated.
There are thousands of hobbies out there waiting for you — all you have to do is find them. Many people find volunteering, exercising, arts and crafts, reading, and taking online classes to be highly beneficial for mental health. Consider dedicating a portion of your day (or at least week) to your chosen activity. If time is a concern, consider learning more about maximizing productivity and finding “hidden time” during the day. For many, finding more personal time involves perfecting one’s ability to “say no” to stress-inducing, unnecessary demands. Remember, your well-being is a priority, so make time to do what you love.
At-Home Spa Day
Spending time alone facilitates thoughtfulness, personal reflection, and relaxation. Having an at-home spa day (or evening) can give you the time you need to decompress and reflect on your day/week. With just a few DIY techniques, you can bring the health benefits of an expensive spa to your own home. Start by dimming the lights and preparing some of your favorite spa materials — bubble bath, manicure kit, face mask, etc. You can even prepare in advance by making some of your own spa solutions such as body scrubs, lotions, and hair masks. While it may be tempting to turn on your favorite TV show, try to use this time to unplug from technology (your phone included). While technology is wonderful, there is evidence to suggest that unplugging from devices now and then can be highly beneficial. To break the silence, consider turning on some relaxing music.
Self-care is highly important to your overall mental health. Sleep, hobbies, and taking time for yourself are all highly effective ways to reduce stress and increase personal resilience. Now is the time to make self-care a daily priority.
As a mother of three children, I know from experience how birthing a child into the world can be a traumatic event. I don’t think we talk about it enough. 
With our second son, I managed to have a vaginal birth after the previous C-section, and was only in labour for eight hours. The third time around, at 42 years old, was fantastic! I felt empowered, cared for, supported, and managed to have a vaginal birth without any tears because of the excellent doctor and nurse that were with us. 
My partner caught the baby, and our third son came out into the world peacefully without even crying. It was beautiful. We’re feeling blessed and grateful. 
A decade ago, a friend recommended that I do the self-study daily lessons from the book called 
When two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being. It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.
Transpersonal therapists work under a larger umbrella than many other therapists. We have a more varied tool box with which to work from, as we are trained in spiritual counselling as well as modern psychological interventions. It really is the best of both worlds.
One of my favourite counselling modalities is drawn from the philosophy of person-centered therapy. It’s a non-directive approach to talk therapy, which means that the therapist believes the client has all the answers within them. The client simply needs a safe non-judgemental space to explore what is alive inside them.
Self care tips… Being busy should never come at the cost of your overall physical and mental well-being. Not taking the time to care for yourself can put you at increased risk for depression, burnout, and anxiety, which can make you less resilient, productive, and happy. If taking a vacation or going on a full-day spa excursion doesn’t fit into your life, there are a few things you can do at home to help promote mental health through self-care. Keep reading to learn more.