Sexuality is a natural and powerful part of being human, but it’s also one of the areas we often avoid talking about the most. Many people — women and men alike — carry questions, insecurities, or even pain around sex and intimacy, yet rarely have a safe space to share openly.
As a registered counsellor on Vancouver Island, based in Nanaimo, I’ve noticed that when clients begin to explore sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy in therapy, something shifts. They feel less alone. They realize their struggles are not only valid but also incredibly common.
In this post, I want to share a compassionate, honest look at sexuality — especially through the lens of women’s experiences of orgasm, pleasure, and limitations — while also addressing how men can better understand and support their partners.
This isn’t medical advice; it’s about real-life experiences, insights from counselling work, and the possibility of creating healthier, more fulfilling intimate relationships.
Why Talking About Sex Matters
Many of us were raised in households or communities where sex wasn’t discussed. Or if it was, the focus was on risk, shame, or rules rather than joy, connection, and discovery. By the time we reach adulthood, we’re expected to “just know” how intimacy works — but the truth is, many of us never had the chance to learn.
When sex becomes a taboo subject, it can lead to:
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Unrealistic expectations about orgasm and performance
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Shame or guilt around pleasure
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Disconnection between partners
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Avoidance of intimacy altogether
Therapy provides a confidential, non-judgmental space where people can finally bring these conversations forward.
Female Sexuality: Beyond the Myths
One of the most common topics women bring into counselling is a sense of not being “normal” when it comes to pleasure and orgasm.
Here’s what’s important to know:
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Every woman’s body is different. Some experience orgasm easily, others don’t. Some rely on clitoral stimulation, others enjoy penetration, and many need both.
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Desire fluctuates. Hormonal cycles, stress, relationship dynamics, and life transitions (like pregnancy, postpartum, or perimenopause) all impact libido.
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There’s no “right way” to experience pleasure. Cultural messages often emphasize one “script” of sexuality — but authentic intimacy is about exploration, communication, and tuning into your own body.
As a 45-year-old woman who has gone through pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and now perimenopause, I deeply understand how bodies and sexuality change over time. What worked at 25 may not feel the same at 45 — and that’s completely natural.
Pleasure and Limitations
Many people carry hidden limitations when it comes to sexuality:
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Physical limitations like pain with intercourse, vaginal dryness, erectile difficulties, or fatigue.
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Emotional limitations like body image struggles, anxiety, or unresolved trauma.
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Relational limitations like mismatched desire or poor communication with a partner.
The first step in overcoming these barriers is to recognize that they don’t mean you’re broken. Limitations are part of being human. With awareness, compassion, and support, many of them can be worked through.
For women, especially in midlife, issues like vaginal dryness, loss of libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm can be deeply frustrating. For men, challenges like premature ejaculation or performance anxiety can create shame. Couples often fall into silence around these topics, which only increases disconnection.
Counselling offers a safe space to break this silence and begin building new patterns of communication and intimacy.
Orgasms: More Than Just a Goal
A cultural myth that creates pressure is the idea that orgasm is the “end goal” of sex. While orgasm is a wonderful experience, focusing solely on it can sometimes block pleasure rather than enhance it.
Therapy often helps clients shift perspective from:
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Performance → Connection
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Pressure → Exploration
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Expectation → Curiosity
When intimacy is approached as an opportunity to explore closeness, pleasure, and playfulness, orgasm often follows naturally — without the stress of “achieving” it.
Supporting Men in Understanding Women’s Sexuality
I often work with men who want to better understand their partner’s sexuality. Many genuinely care but feel confused or inadequate when their partner struggles with pleasure or orgasm.
Here are some guiding insights for men:
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Pleasure is relational. It’s not just about technique; it’s about emotional connection and presence.
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Communication is everything. Ask your partner what feels good, what doesn’t, and what she wants to explore.
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Patience is key. For many women, arousal takes time. Slow down and focus on building intimacy rather than rushing.
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Support through transitions. Pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause all bring changes — compassion and adaptability go a long way.
When men learn to approach intimacy with curiosity and care, it often transforms the relationship.
How Counselling Helps With Sexuality and Intimacy
Many people are surprised to learn that therapy can include discussions about sex. But sexuality is deeply tied to emotional health, self-esteem, and relationships.
In counselling, we can explore:
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Sexual self-awareness — learning what you like, want, and need.
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Communication skills — how to talk about sex with your partner without shame or conflict.
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Body image and confidence — building a healthier relationship with your body.
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Healing from past experiences — including trauma, religious shame, or negative sexual conditioning.
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Tools and resources — from mindfulness practices to books and exercises that enhance intimacy.
As a registered counsellor in Nanaimo, my services are covered by most benefit providers, making therapy accessible for both individuals and couples.
Why Choose Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling?
I bring a unique approach to counselling that blends:
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Professional training as a registered counsellor
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Personal lived experience as a mother of three and a woman navigating midlife and perimenopause
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A holistic lens that considers the mind, body, and relational context
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A safe and open space where no topic is off-limits — including sex, orgasm, and pleasure
I offer both in-person counselling in Nanaimo and online counselling across Vancouver Island and BC. This flexibility allows you to access support in the way that feels best for you.
Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Pleasure and Connection
Sexuality is not something we should feel ashamed of. It’s a vital part of being human, and when we learn to approach it with openness, honesty, and compassion, it can become a powerful source of joy and connection.
Whether you’re a woman navigating changes in your body, a man wanting to better understand your partner, or a couple longing to rekindle intimacy, know that support is available.
Counselling offers a space to explore these topics without judgment — and often, just beginning the conversation is the first step toward healing and growth.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re in Nanaimo or anywhere on Vancouver Island, or if you’d prefer to connect online, I’d love to support you in this journey.
📍 In-person counselling in Nanaimo
💻 Online counselling across BC
✔️ Registered counsellor — services covered by most benefit providers
👉 Contact me today to book a session and start reclaiming your pleasure, confidence, and intimacy.