Co-parenting is rarely easy. Even when separated parents share the best intentions for their children, navigating schedules, communication, and differing parenting styles can feel overwhelming. For many families, legal avenues such as court orders, lawyers, and mediation may provide structure but often don’t address the deeper emotional challenges that arise when raising children in two households. That’s where a therapeutic co-parenting path can make a meaningful difference.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we see firsthand how parents struggle with miscommunication, unresolved conflict, and the stress of managing parenting responsibilities while also trying to maintain healthy relationships with their children. When court systems and legal professionals provide boundaries and agreements but not emotional guidance, parents often feel stuck, frustrated, and isolated.
The Limitations of Court, Lawyers, and Mediation
Courts, lawyers, and mediators each play important roles in co-parenting arrangements, but they have limitations.
Courts can enforce custody arrangements and parenting schedules, but they rarely teach parents how to communicate effectively or manage conflict constructively. While legal orders establish rules, they can’t reduce the emotional tension that arises when disagreements emerge.
Lawyers act as advocates, often emphasizing the legal and financial aspects of custody, but they aren’t trained to facilitate emotional healing or to help parents create supportive communication patterns.
Mediators can help negotiate agreements and provide a neutral space to discuss disputes, but their sessions are often brief and solution-focused. They may not be equipped to explore underlying emotional triggers, patterns of conflict, or ways to create a safe, consistent environment for children.
When these systems fall short, parents can feel trapped in a cycle of frustration. Misunderstandings escalate, communication breaks down, and children can become the inadvertent recipients of tension between households.
Why a Therapeutic Co-Parenting Path Can Help
A therapeutic approach offers more than structure—it provides guidance, emotional support, and practical tools to improve co-parenting relationships. A trained therapist or mediator specializing in co-parenting can help parents:
Improve Communication Skills: Many parents struggle to express their needs without triggering defensiveness in the other parent. Therapy teaches strategies for expressing concerns calmly and clearly, using “I statements” instead of blame, and setting boundaries that respect both households.
Create Emotional Safety: Children thrive when both parents are calm, consistent, and emotionally regulated. Therapy helps parents learn how to manage their own emotions and respond to children in ways that validate feelings without escalating conflict.
Provide Consistency Across Homes: Children, especially those with special needs such as autism or ADHD, benefit from predictable routines and consistent expectations. Therapy can help parents coordinate strategies so that children feel secure, even while moving between households.
Offer a Neutral, Supportive Presence: Unlike lawyers or court proceedings, a therapist’s role is not to advocate for one parent over another. Instead, the therapist acts as a neutral, supportive presence, helping parents stay focused on the best interests of the children and navigate difficult conversations without judgment.
When Court and Mediation Aren’t Enough
There are many reasons parents might find themselves needing therapeutic support even after legal agreements are in place:
Persistent Communication Breakdowns: Even with parenting schedules in place, misunderstandings can escalate into arguments or resentment. A therapist can teach tools to de-escalate conflict and maintain clear, respectful communication.
Emotional Triggers from Past Trauma: Co-parenting can trigger unresolved trauma, whether from childhood or the relationship itself. A therapist helps parents recognize these triggers and respond in ways that don’t compromise their relationship with their children.
Disagreement Over Parenting Styles or Needs: Differences in discipline, routines, or responses to children’s emotional needs can create ongoing tension. Therapy provides strategies to collaborate while respecting each parent’s values.
Children Expressing Anxiety or Resistance: Sometimes children express discomfort with transitions or conflicting messages from parents. Therapy can guide parents in responding empathetically and fostering emotional security.
Building a Therapeutic Co-Parenting Path
Starting a therapeutic co-parenting path involves a combination of assessment, education, and skill-building. Here’s what a typical approach might look like:
Assessment of Family Dynamics A therapist will assess the relationship between parents, communication patterns, and the impact on children. This includes understanding triggers, unresolved conflicts, and the emotional needs of each parent and child.
Setting Clear Goals Together, parents identify goals such as improving communication, reducing conflict, creating consistent routines, or addressing specific behavioral concerns in children.
Learning Communication Skills Parents practice techniques to express themselves clearly, listen actively, and respond without defensiveness. This may involve role-playing difficult conversations and developing scripts for high-stress situations.
Creating Safety and Predictability for Children Therapy focuses on creating environments where children feel safe, respected, and valued. Parents learn how to respond to emotional needs without escalating conflict or projecting adult tensions.
Regular Check-Ins and Accountability Therapeutic paths often include regular sessions to monitor progress, adjust strategies, and provide ongoing support. This allows parents to practice new skills in real-life situations while having a professional to guide and troubleshoot challenges.
Integration with Legal Agreements Therapy doesn’t replace legal agreements but works alongside them. A therapist can help parents interpret and implement custody arrangements in a way that aligns with both legal requirements and the children’s emotional well-being.
Benefits for Children and Parents
The benefits of a therapeutic approach to co-parenting extend to both children and parents:
Children: Reduced anxiety, greater emotional security, more consistent routines, and improved relationships with both parents.
Parents: Less stress, clearer communication, improved problem-solving skills, and the ability to co-parent more effectively even when differences exist.
Children pick up on tension and conflict between parents, often feeling responsible for resolving disputes or choosing sides. Therapy reduces this burden, allowing children to focus on being children, rather than mediators.
Making the Decision to Seek Therapeutic Support
Choosing to pursue a therapeutic co-parenting path can feel daunting, especially when legal or mediation avenues exist. But seeking support isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a proactive step to protect your children’s emotional well-being and your own mental health.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space for parents to explore challenges, learn new skills, and develop strategies that truly work for their families. Whether it’s guidance on communication, conflict resolution, or creating predictable routines, therapy offers tools that lawyers and mediators alone cannot provide.
Co-parenting is complex, and legal agreements alone cannot solve every challenge. When communication breaks down, emotional triggers arise, or children struggle with transitions between households, a therapeutic path can provide the support parents need to create safety, consistency, and connection.
If you are navigating co-parenting challenges on Vancouver Island and feel stuck despite legal agreements or mediation, consider seeking therapeutic guidance. With the right support, you can improve communication, reduce conflict, and ensure your children feel secure, heard, and loved in both homes.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we are here to walk alongside you, helping you develop practical strategies, emotional resilience, and confidence in your co-parenting journey.
Sexuality is a natural and powerful part of being human, but it’s also one of the areas we often avoid talking about the most. Many people — women and men alike — carry questions, insecurities, or even pain around sex and intimacy, yet rarely have a safe space to share openly.
As a registered counsellor on Vancouver Island, based in Nanaimo, I’ve noticed that when clients begin to explore sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy in therapy, something shifts. They feel less alone. They realize their struggles are not only valid but also incredibly common.
In this post, I want to share a compassionate, honest look at sexuality — especially through the lens of women’s experiences of orgasm, pleasure, and limitations — while also addressing how men can better understand and support their partners.
This isn’t medical advice; it’s about real-life experiences, insights from counselling work, and the possibility of creating healthier, more fulfilling intimate relationships.
Why Talking About Sex Matters
Many of us were raised in households or communities where sex wasn’t discussed. Or if it was, the focus was on risk, shame, or rules rather than joy, connection, and discovery. By the time we reach adulthood, we’re expected to “just know” how intimacy works — but the truth is, many of us never had the chance to learn.
When sex becomes a taboo subject, it can lead to:
Unrealistic expectations about orgasm and performance
Shame or guilt around pleasure
Disconnection between partners
Avoidance of intimacy altogether
Therapy provides a confidential, non-judgmental space where people can finally bring these conversations forward.
Female Sexuality: Beyond the Myths
One of the most common topics women bring into counselling is a sense of not being “normal” when it comes to pleasure and orgasm.
Here’s what’s important to know:
Every woman’s body is different. Some experience orgasm easily, others don’t. Some rely on clitoral stimulation, others enjoy penetration, and many need both.
Desire fluctuates. Hormonal cycles, stress, relationship dynamics, and life transitions (like pregnancy, postpartum, or perimenopause) all impact libido.
There’s no “right way” to experience pleasure. Cultural messages often emphasize one “script” of sexuality — but authentic intimacy is about exploration, communication, and tuning into your own body.
As a 45-year-old woman who has gone through pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and now perimenopause, I deeply understand how bodies and sexuality change over time. What worked at 25 may not feel the same at 45 — and that’s completely natural.
Pleasure and Limitations
Many people carry hidden limitations when it comes to sexuality:
Physical limitations like pain with intercourse, vaginal dryness, erectile difficulties, or fatigue.
Emotional limitations like body image struggles, anxiety, or unresolved trauma.
Relational limitations like mismatched desire or poor communication with a partner.
The first step in overcoming these barriers is to recognize that they don’t mean you’re broken. Limitations are part of being human. With awareness, compassion, and support, many of them can be worked through.
For women, especially in midlife, issues like vaginal dryness, loss of libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm can be deeply frustrating. For men, challenges like premature ejaculation or performance anxiety can create shame. Couples often fall into silence around these topics, which only increases disconnection.
Counselling offers a safe space to break this silence and begin building new patterns of communication and intimacy.
Orgasms: More Than Just a Goal
A cultural myth that creates pressure is the idea that orgasm is the “end goal” of sex. While orgasm is a wonderful experience, focusing solely on it can sometimes block pleasure rather than enhance it.
Therapy often helps clients shift perspective from:
Performance → Connection
Pressure → Exploration
Expectation → Curiosity
When intimacy is approached as an opportunity to explore closeness, pleasure, and playfulness, orgasm often follows naturally — without the stress of “achieving” it.
Supporting Men in Understanding Women’s Sexuality
I often work with men who want to better understand their partner’s sexuality. Many genuinely care but feel confused or inadequate when their partner struggles with pleasure or orgasm.
Here are some guiding insights for men:
Pleasure is relational. It’s not just about technique; it’s about emotional connection and presence.
Communication is everything. Ask your partner what feels good, what doesn’t, and what she wants to explore.
Patience is key. For many women, arousal takes time. Slow down and focus on building intimacy rather than rushing.
Support through transitions. Pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause all bring changes — compassion and adaptability go a long way.
When men learn to approach intimacy with curiosity and care, it often transforms the relationship.
How Counselling Helps With Sexuality and Intimacy
Many people are surprised to learn that therapy can include discussions about sex. But sexuality is deeply tied to emotional health, self-esteem, and relationships.
In counselling, we can explore:
Sexual self-awareness — learning what you like, want, and need.
Communication skills — how to talk about sex with your partner without shame or conflict.
Body image and confidence — building a healthier relationship with your body.
Healing from past experiences — including trauma, religious shame, or negative sexual conditioning.
Tools and resources — from mindfulness practices to books and exercises that enhance intimacy.
As a registered counsellor in Nanaimo, my services are covered by most benefit providers, making therapy accessible for both individuals and couples.
Why Choose Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling?
I bring a unique approach to counselling that blends:
Professional training as a registered counsellor
Personal lived experience as a mother of three and a woman navigating midlife and perimenopause
A holistic lens that considers the mind, body, and relational context
A safe and open space where no topic is off-limits — including sex, orgasm, and pleasure
I offer both in-person counselling in Nanaimo and online counselling across Vancouver Island and BC. This flexibility allows you to access support in the way that feels best for you.
Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Pleasure and Connection
Sexuality is not something we should feel ashamed of. It’s a vital part of being human, and when we learn to approach it with openness, honesty, and compassion, it can become a powerful source of joy and connection.
Whether you’re a woman navigating changes in your body, a man wanting to better understand your partner, or a couple longing to rekindle intimacy, know that support is available.
Counselling offers a space to explore these topics without judgment — and often, just beginning the conversation is the first step toward healing and growth.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re in Nanaimo or anywhere on Vancouver Island, or if you’d prefer to connect online, I’d love to support you in this journey.
📍 In-person counselling in Nanaimo 💻 Online counselling across BC ✔️ Registered counsellor — services covered by most benefit providers
👉 Contact me today to book a session and start reclaiming your pleasure, confidence, and intimacy.
In the world of couples counselling, there is no shortage of methods, philosophies, and tools aimed at helping people repair ruptures and reconnect. But if you’ve ever sat across from your partner in a therapy session and felt like nothing was really shifting—just rehashing the same old story—you’re not alone. That’s why Relational Life Therapy (RLT), created by Terry Real, offers something radically different: a truth-telling, boundary-building, compassion-rooted approach to connection that doesn’t just patch the surface—it transforms the foundation.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we integrate RLT because it speaks directly to what couples truly need: honesty with heart, accountability with care, and tools that actually work in real-life relationships.
Whether you’re new to counselling or familiar with Terry Real’s Fierce Intimacy podcast, this post will help you understand what RLT is, what “losing strategies” are, and how this approach may be the shift your relationship has been waiting for.
What Is Relational Life Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy is a groundbreaking therapeutic model developed by Terry Real, a family therapist, best-selling author, and relationship expert. RLT moves beyond traditional models of couples counselling that often center around passive listening or simply teaching communication skills. Instead, it addresses power dynamics, trauma legacies, and emotional regulation in a direct, honest, and empowering way.
At its core, RLT is about living relationally—not just coexisting with another person, but choosing to show up fully and vulnerably while also standing strong in your own truth.
Here are a few defining features of RLT:
Direct and compassionate truth-telling: Therapists don’t sit back and stay neutral. They speak up and guide.
Disrupting “losing strategies”: Helping clients recognize and interrupt the behaviors that sabotage connection.
Trauma-informed and holistic: Acknowledging how past wounds affect present dynamics.
Empowerment of both partners: RLT doesn’t cater to just one person’s pain; it holds both accountable to relational growth.
The 5 Losing Strategies: How We Push Love Away Without Realizing It
One of the most powerful tools in RLT is identifying what Terry Real calls “losing strategies.” These are the unconscious behaviours we all use to try to get what we want in relationships—but they inevitably backfire.
Here are the five most common losing strategies:
1. Being Right
The compulsion to prove your point, even at the cost of your partner’s emotional safety. Winning the argument becomes more important than protecting the connection.
2. Controlling
Trying to manage your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviours. This often shows up as fixing, advising, or coercing.
3. Unbridled Self-Expression
Saying whatever you feel in the moment, with no filter or care for how it lands. This may feel “honest,” but it often damages trust.
4. Retaliation
Hitting back—whether subtly or overtly—when you feel hurt. This might look like sarcasm, emotional withdrawal, or revenge.
5. Withdrawal
Shutting down, going quiet, or disappearing emotionally. It’s a common trauma response, but it creates distance and reinforces disconnection.
In RLT, the focus is not on shame, but awareness. These strategies are usually survival tools learned in childhood, or protective responses developed over time. The goal isn’t to judge them—it’s to outgrow them.
The Fierce Intimacy Approach: Love With Backbone and Heart
If you’ve listened to Terry Real’s Fierce Intimacy podcast, you’ll know he doesn’t mince words. He’s known for his no-nonsense delivery, but behind that is a deeply compassionate, trauma-informed approach.
Fierce Intimacy is the idea that real love doesn’t mean being nice all the time—it means being real.
It’s the ability to:
Speak your truth with love
Set boundaries that honour yourself and your partner
Interrupt patterns of disconnection early and effectively
Stand in your dignity without giving up your vulnerability
Many people come into therapy believing that they have to choose between honesty and kindness. In RLT, you learn how to do both.
How RLT Differs from Other Couples Counselling Models
While traditional couples counselling models like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method have their strengths, RLT brings something different to the table—especially when couples feel stuck or one partner is dominating the dynamic.
1. The Therapist Has a Voice
In RLT, the therapist is an active participant, not a neutral referee. They call out patterns, offer direct feedback, and help partners see their blind spots without shame.
2. It’s Trauma-Informed and Systemic
RLT therapists explore how your family of origin and past experiences shape how you show up in your relationship. You learn not just how to fix the present, but how to heal the past.
3. It Centers Accountability and Repair
Instead of endless empathy with no change, RLT invites accountability. Each partner is asked to own their part—with compassion. This is the basis for lasting change.
4. It Addresses Power Imbalances
Many therapy models avoid naming power dynamics, especially gendered ones. RLT goes straight there. It helps rebalance relationships where one person holds too much control or influence, whether emotionally, verbally, or financially.
5. It Works Quickly
RLT is results-oriented. It aims to produce tangible change early in the process, especially in areas like communication, boundaries, and emotional regulation.
Why We Use RLT at Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling
Our practice is built around the belief that relationships are where we heal, and also where our deepest wounds can be triggered. Relational Life Therapy offers a compassionate, bold, and integrative way to work with couples that is transformational—not just functional.
We use RLT because:
It gives couples tools they can use immediately.
It honours both emotional depth and personal accountability.
It supports not just symptom relief, but relational growth.
It aligns with our holistic values—healing is not just about communication, it’s about nervous system regulation, trauma awareness, and soul-level truth.
Is RLT Right for You and Your Partner?
Relational Life Therapy may be a great fit if:
You’re tired of having the same fight over and over
You feel emotionally disconnected from your partner
One of you tends to dominate or shut down
You’re willing to grow as individuals to strengthen the relationship
You want a counsellor who will guide you with honesty and care
You don’t need to wait until things are falling apart to start this work. In fact, many couples use RLT proactively to deepen their connection, even if things are going relatively well.
Final Thoughts: Real Love Takes Real Work
Relational Life Therapy doesn’t offer quick fixes or avoid hard truths—but it does offer real transformation. If you’re ready to stop playing out the same painful patterns and start creating a relationship where both people feel seen, valued, and supported, RLT might be the path forward.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we’re here to walk that path with you—with truth, compassion, and fierce love. Veronique Rioux currently certified level 1 RLT.
Interested in exploring Relational Life Therapy for your relationship? Reach out today to book a session or consultation. Let’s move beyond survival strategies and into real, connected intimacy—together.
Make sure you check out my others post about couple therapy:
Raising a teenager has never been easy—but today’s world presents new layers of complexity that many parents never expected. If you’re a parent or caregiver navigating adolescence with your child, you’re likely facing more than just mood swings or messy rooms. You’re encountering challenges like social media pressures, mental health struggles, substance use, and the invisible pull of digital dopamine.
And yet, with all these challenges, there is still so much hope. There is a path to connection, trust, and guidance—even through the stormy waters of teenagehood.
This post offers insights into modern parenting, tools for supporting your teen, and gentle reflections on how your role as a parent must evolve as your child becomes their own person.
The New Reality of Raising Teens
Today’s teenagers are growing up in a world that’s far more complex than the one many of us knew. Between constant digital connectivity, academic pressure, and an often confusing mix of online influences, teens face an overwhelming amount of stimulation.
Some of the most common challenges teens—and their parents—are facing include:
Phone dependency and social media addiction
“Fake dopamine” stimulation from endless scrolling, gaming, or content consumption
Increased access to substances, including stronger street drugs and misuse of prescriptions
High rates of anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation
Difficulty forming real-life connections
Academic burnout and disconnection from traditional learning environments
Many parents feel stuck between trying to protect their teens and needing to give them space. And the truth is—both are necessary.
Understanding the Teenage Brain
Teenagers are not mini-adults. Their brains are still in development, especially in the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and long-term thinking. At the same time, their emotional and reward centers are highly active, seeking novelty, validation, and belonging.
What this means for you as a parent is that your teen will make mistakes. They’ll seek highs. They’ll push boundaries. And they’ll need you—not to control them—but to stay grounded beside them as they figure things out.
Parenting Styles: Shifting From Control to Trust
Parenting young children often involves strong boundaries, consistency, and external discipline. But as your child enters adolescence, the dynamic must shift.
Here’s how parenting changes from childhood to teenagehood:
With younger kids:
Clear rules and consequences
Structure and predictability
External control and authority
With teenagers:
Trust and open dialogue
Boundaries that evolve with their growth
Consequences that teach rather than punish
Opportunities for freedom and self-regulation
If you’re still using the same parenting strategies from the toddler or elementary years, you’re likely hitting resistance. That resistance isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign your teen is growing. And you’re being invited to grow with them.
What Can You Do as a Parent?
It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, especially when your teen seems distant, angry, or lost in their phone. But you don’t need to be perfect—you just need to be present, honest, and open.
Here are some ways you can support your teen through the ups and downs of adolescence:
1. Model Healthy Boundaries with Technology
Teens learn more from what you do than what you say. If you’re constantly on your phone or using screens to check out, they notice. Try creating shared screen-free times (like meals or before bed) and talk openly about how you manage screen time and dopamine overload.
2. Normalize Mental Health Conversations
Make space for emotional check-ins. Instead of “How was your day?” try asking, “What was the best part of your day?” or “Did anything feel heavy today?” Talk about therapy, stress, anxiety, and coping in non-judgmental ways.
3. Respect Their Growing Need for Autonomy
Let your teen make choices—and learn from the outcomes. If they forget their lunch or fail a test, it’s not the end of the world. It’s a chance to build resilience and responsibility.
4. Be the Calm in the Storm
Teenagers are like emotional barometers—they pick up on your stress, fear, and judgment. The more grounded and regulated you are, the safer they feel to be honest with you. Practice your own emotional regulation so you can hold space for theirs.
5. Keep Communication Open
Instead of lecturing, ask curious questions. Avoid shame-based responses. When they feel safe being honest, they’re more likely to come to you when it really matters.
Navigating Medication and Mental Health Support
Many teens today are prescribed medication for anxiety, depression, or ADHD. While medication can be incredibly supportive for some, it’s rarely the whole solution. Parents often worry that medications “aren’t working”—but what’s often happening is that medication alone isn’t enough.
A holistic approach—combining therapy, healthy lifestyle habits, connection, and supportive routines—often yields the best outcomes. As a parent, your role isn’t to have all the answers, but to be an advocate and ally for your teen’s well-being.
Recommended Resources for Parenting Teens
There are many powerful tools and resources available to support you on this journey. Here are a few we recommend:
Books:
“Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain” by Daniel J. Siegel
“Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood” by Lisa Damour
“Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” by Charles Fay & Foster Cline
“How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk” by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Sometimes, no matter how present or supportive you are, things still feel hard. Your teen may be shutting down. You may feel burned out. Or there might be deeper patterns in your family that need support.
That’s where counselling can help.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we offer a compassionate space to:
Work through parenting struggles
Explore new ways of connecting with your teen
Process your own triggers and past experiences
Learn how to set boundaries and hold space at the same time
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Whether you’re navigating a mental health diagnosis, school refusal, emotional outbursts, or everyday parenting exhaustion—we’re here to support you.
Final Thoughts: You’re Doing Better Than You Think
If you’re reading this, it’s because you care deeply. You want to understand, support, and show up for your teenager in the best way you can.
Parenting teens is a dance—between closeness and space, between discipline and trust. It requires courage, humility, and a willingness to grow alongside your child.
But you’re not alone. Support is available. Growth is possible. And connection can be rebuilt, even when it feels far away.
Need support with parenting your teen?
Reach out to us at Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling. Whether you’re looking for individual guidance or family support, we’re here to walk beside you—through the chaos, the growth, and the beauty of this stage.
Deciding to separate from a partner is never easy. It’s a deeply emotional choice that often comes with a mix of relief, grief, uncertainty, and fear about the future. Whether the separation is peaceful or complex, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being, become informed about your rights, and seek out trusted separation resources to help guide you.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we support individuals through all stages of relationship change. This guide outlines practical steps to take when you decide to separate and offers accessible separation resources in Nanaimo and across Vancouver Island.
Step 1: Prioritize Your Emotional Well-Being
Separation is a major life transition. The emotional toll can be significant, which is why taking care of your mental and emotional health is essential.
Seek counselling support: Working with a therapist provides a safe space to process your feelings, gain clarity, and start building a healthier path forward. Whether through individual therapy or couples counselling (if appropriate), support can help you stay grounded.
Practice self-care: Daily activities like journaling, mindful walking, yoga, breathwork, or spending time with loved ones can help reduce stress and boost your resilience.
Build a support network: Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or community support groups can help reduce isolation and remind you that you are not alone in this journey.
If you’re not sure where to start, separation resources that include counselling and emotional support services in your area can make this transition feel more manageable.
Step 2: Understand Your Legal Rights and Responsibilities
Legal matters are often a big part of separation. You may need to navigate decisions around parenting arrangements, child and spousal support, division of assets, and more. Accessing the right separation resources ensures you make informed choices.
Local Separation Resources for Legal Support – Vancouver Island:
1. Justice Access Centre – Nanaimo This centre provides free legal information and can connect you with legal professionals for advice on separation-related issues.
📞 Phone: 250-741-5447
📍 Address: #302-65 Front St, Nanaimo, BC
🕐 Hours: Mon–Fri 8:30 AM – 5:30 PM
2. Family LawLine Offers free telephone legal advice for low-income individuals experiencing family law issues, including separation.
3. Rise Women’s Legal Centre Provides trauma-informed legal services tailored to women and gender-diverse individuals navigating family law challenges.
4. Family Law Advocacy Program Offers support with legal information, referrals, and advocacy—especially helpful in complex or overlapping legal matters like immigration and child protection.
📞 Phone: 250-723-8281 (Ask for Trudy Wale)
5. Lawyer Referral Service This service connects BC residents with legal professionals for a reduced-rate consultation—great for exploring your options without committing to full representation.
These separation resources help make the legal side of separation more accessible and less intimidating.
Step 3: Protect Yourself and Your Children
If safety is a concern or children are involved, it’s essential to take steps to protect everyone’s well-being.
Document important details: Keep copies of legal documents, bank records, IDs, and anything that may be needed during legal proceedings.
Create a parenting plan: Try to collaborate on a child-focused parenting plan that prioritizes stability and emotional safety for your children.
Ensure safety: If your relationship involves emotional, physical, or financial abuse, contact crisis or victim support services immediately.
Haven Society – Community-Based Victim Services Offers help with safety planning, legal guidance, and emotional support for those affected by violence.
These kinds of separation resources are critical for anyone navigating a high-conflict or unsafe separation.
Step 4: Address Financial and Housing Needs
Separation often brings changes in housing and finances. It’s important to plan for these changes proactively.
Review shared accounts: Begin separating your finances by closing joint accounts and opening your own.
Track your expenses: Understanding your post-separation financial needs can help you set a sustainable budget.
Explore housing options: If you need emergency shelter or a new place to live, connect with local housing support services.
Some separation resources may also include financial literacy workshops, credit counselling, or community-based housing referrals.
Step 5: Move Forward With Intention
While separation can feel like an ending, it’s also an opportunity to rebuild, rediscover yourself, and start again.
Reconnect with yourself: Revisit hobbies and interests that you may have neglected.
Set short- and long-term goals: Think about what you want your life to look like in six months or a year—and take small steps toward it.
Continue therapy: Post-separation therapy can help you heal from emotional wounds and strengthen your sense of self.
Use this time to access separation resources that help with personal growth, self-discovery, and emotional resilience.
We’re Here to Help
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we believe that navigating separation can be a turning point toward a healthier, more fulfilling life. If you’re looking for emotional guidance, therapy, or help connecting with the right separation resources, we’re here for you every step of the way.
📞 Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you through this journey.
We acknowledge with gratitude that we live and work on the unceded traditional territories of the Coast Salish People, including the Snuneymuxw, Stz’uminus, Snaw-Naw-As, and Qualicum First Nations.
You are not alone. With the right separation resources and support, healing is possible.
Courts, lawyers, and mediators each play important roles in co-parenting arrangements, but they have limitations.
A therapeutic approach offers more than structure—it provides guidance, emotional support, and practical tools to improve co-parenting relationships. A trained therapist or mediator specializing in co-parenting can help parents:
Sexuality is a natural and powerful part of being human, but it’s also one of the areas we often avoid talking about the most. Many people — women and men alike — carry questions, insecurities, or even pain around sex and intimacy, yet rarely have a safe space to share openly.
Many of us were raised in households or communities where sex wasn’t discussed. Or if it was, the focus was on risk, shame, or rules rather than joy, connection, and discovery. By the time we reach adulthood, we’re expected to “just know” how intimacy works — but the truth is, many of us never had the chance to learn.
One of the most common topics women bring into counselling is a sense of not being “normal” when it comes to pleasure and orgasm.
Many people carry hidden limitations when it comes to sexuality:
Relational Life Therapy
If you’ve listened to Terry Real’s Fierce Intimacy podcast, you’ll know he doesn’t mince words. He’s known for his no-nonsense delivery, but behind that is a deeply compassionate, trauma-informed approach.
While traditional couples counselling models like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method have their strengths, RLT brings something different to the table—especially when couples feel stuck or one partner is dominating the dynamic.
Some of the most common challenges teens—and their parents—are facing include:
With younger kids:
Step 3: Protect Yourself and Your Children