When we talk about healing and personal growth in therapy, we often focus on the individual. However, every person is part of a larger web of relationships, dynamics, and histories that profoundly shape who they are, a family system. One of the most powerful tools I use in my holistic counselling practice—both online and in-person in Nanaimo—is the genogram. A genogram is a visual representation of a person’s family relationships and medical history across generations. It serves as a road map, revealing patterns, influences, and underlying dynamics in a family system.

By using a genogram to explore your family system, we can gain insight into recurring patterns of behavior, emotional struggles, and even health issues that may be influencing your life today. This approach helps me guide you toward deeper understanding, healing, and growth. Whether you’re seeking therapy for personal struggles, relationship challenges, or generational trauma, the family system plays a key role in shaping your experiences.

How can a Genogram help us understand our family systems?

 A genogram is similar to a family tree, but it’s much more detailed and complex. While a family tree focuses on the lineage—names, birth dates, and relationships—a genogram digs deeper into the emotional and psychological relationships within the family. It also includes information about health, personality traits, patterns of behavior, and significant life events. Through this, it becomes possible to track the influence of family dynamics across generations.

In holistic therapy, I use the genogram to understand the family system and how its history may be affecting you today. Whether we are working together online or in-person in Nanaimo, creating a genogram allows me to see the bigger picture of your life, giving us both a deeper understanding of the challenges you’re facing.

How a Genogram Works in Therapy

During our sessions, we build your genogram together. I ask you to share details about your immediate family and extended family, including relationships, conflicts, and any significant events or traumas. From there, we can track recurring patterns, such as:

• Divorce or separation

• Substance abuse

• Mental health struggles like depression or anxiety

• Relationship patterns, such as codependency or conflict

• Parenting styles and generational shifts in discipline

• Inherited trauma and unresolved emotional issues

By mapping out these patterns, we begin to see how they affect your current behavior, choices, and mental health. Many people find it eye-opening to discover that certain struggles are not just personal but part of a larger family system passed down through generations.

Understanding Family Systems

The family systems theory is a foundational concept in family therapy, developed by Dr. Murray Bowen. It posits that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from their family unit. Instead, a person’s behavior, emotions, and mental health are influenced by the dynamics within the family system. When one person in the system changes, it affects the entire family.

In this approach, the family is viewed as an interconnected system where each member’s role, behavior, and interactions influence the others. Sometimes, dysfunction in the family system—such as poor communication, unresolved conflict, or rigid roles—leads to emotional distress or unhealthy patterns in one or more members.

Family systems therapy, using tools like the genogram, helps identify these dynamics. By understanding the role each family member plays in the system and how the system has shaped your experiences, we can work together to create change. This insight empowers you to break free from unhealthy cycles and embrace healthier, more supportive ways of relating to yourself and others.

Common Family Patterns Revealed by the Genogram

When building a genogram, certain patterns often come to light that may not have been immediately apparent. Some of these patterns include:

1. Intergenerational Trauma

Trauma can be passed down from one generation to the next, even if it isn’t directly discussed. Unresolved trauma in a parent or grandparent can manifest as anxiety, depression, or dysfunctional relationships in future generations. By identifying these patterns in a genogram, I can help you begin the process of healing inherited trauma, breaking the cycle for yourself and future generations.

2. Role Assignment

Families often assign specific roles to their members, such as the “caretaker,” the “scapegoat,” or the “golden child.” These roles can be limiting and cause stress, especially if they don’t align with the individual’s authentic self. Understanding your role in the family system can help you step out of limiting patterns and embrace more freedom in your personal identity.

3. Communication Patterns

Some families communicate openly and resolve conflicts in healthy ways, while others may avoid difficult conversations or rely on passive-aggressive behaviors. Recognizing the communication patterns in your family system is key to improving how you relate to others in your current relationships.

4. Parenting Styles

How you were parented—and how your parents were parented—can have a profound effect on your own parenting style or how you view authority. A genogram can help identify the ways in which parenting patterns are passed down, enabling you to make conscious choices about the kind of parent you want to be.

5. Emotional Cutoff

Sometimes family members deal with unresolved tension or conflict by cutting off emotional or physical contact. This can create long-lasting rifts that affect not only the individuals involved but the entire family system. Recognizing these emotional cutoffs helps in understanding why certain relationships are strained and how to approach healing.

Healing Through Family Systems Therapy

In both online therapy and in-person sessions in Nanaimo, I use family systems therapy to help you understand and navigate the complex dynamics within your family. The goal is not to place blame or dwell on the past but to understand how these dynamics shape your present behavior, thoughts, and emotions. Through this understanding, we can begin to heal old wounds, create healthier boundaries, and foster better communication.

Some of the therapeutic approaches I integrate into family systems work include:

1. Mindfulness-Based Therapy

Mindfulness practices help you stay grounded in the present moment, even as we explore potentially painful family histories. By developing mindfulness, you can observe your thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed, allowing you to approach your family dynamics with a clearer mind.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is helpful for identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that may have been shaped by your family system. For example, if you learned to believe that conflict is dangerous or that you’re not worthy of love, CBT helps reframe these beliefs to create healthier ways of thinking.

3. Somatic Therapy

Family trauma can manifest not only in the mind but also in the body. Somatic therapy addresses how past experiences are stored in the body, helping you release physical tension and stress linked to family dynamics.

4. Trauma-Informed Counseling

If your family system includes abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma, I take a trauma-informed approach to therapy. This means creating a safe, supportive environment where you can explore and process these experiences at your own pace, without feeling pressured or retraumatized.

The Benefits of Online and In-Person Therapy for Family Systems Work

Whether you’re engaging in online therapy or attending in-person sessions in Nanaimo, family systems work can be deeply transformative. I offer flexible options to suit your needs, allowing you to choose the format that works best for you.

1. Online Therapy

For those who are unable to attend in person, online therapy offers a convenient and effective way to explore family systems work from the comfort of your home. Virtual sessions provide the same depth and insight as in-person counseling, with the added benefit of accessibility.

2. In-Person Therapy

In-person therapy in my Nanaimo office offers a tranquil, supportive environment where we can explore your family dynamics and work toward healing. If you prefer face-to-face interaction or feel that the energy of being physically present enhances your experience, in-person sessions can provide a deeper connection.

The Power of Understanding Your Family System

Working with a genogram and exploring your family system can unlock profound insights into the patterns that shape your life. By identifying and understanding these patterns, you can break free from limiting behaviors, heal old wounds, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. You might want to learn more by looking at epigenetics post.

At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, whether through online therapy or in-person sessions in Nanaimo, I’m here to support you in this journey. Together, we’ll explore your family system, uncover the roots of your struggles, and pave the way for growth, healing, and transformation.