Our relationship with our body can be complicated.

You can appreciate what your body allows you to do and still wish parts of it looked different.

You can feel confident one day and critical of yourself the next.

You can know intellectually that bodies change with age, pregnancy, hormones, illness or simply life—and still struggle emotionally when those changes happen to your body.

Body image isn’t only about how your body looks.

It’s also about how you think about, feel about and experience yourself within your body.

What Is Body Image Dissatisfaction?

Body image dissatisfaction happens when there is a painful gap between how you perceive your body and how you believe your body should look.

It might show up as:

• Frequently criticizing your appearance
• Comparing your body with other people’s
• Avoiding photographs
• Checking mirrors repeatedly—or avoiding them altogether
• Feeling uncomfortable being seen
• Focusing intensely on particular parts of your body
• Believing you’d be happier or more confident if your body changed
• Difficulty accepting aging or changes in your appearance
• Feeling that your worth is connected to your weight, shape or attractiveness
• Avoiding intimacy because you feel self-conscious
• Exercising primarily to punish or change your body

Sometimes these thoughts take up a surprising amount of mental space.

Where Does Body Dissatisfaction Come From?

There usually isn’t one cause.

Our relationship with our body develops over many years and can be influenced by family, culture, relationships, social media and our own experiences.

Beauty Standards and Social Media

We’re surrounded by messages about what bodies are supposed to look like.

Thin enough.

Young enough.

Muscular enough.

Smooth enough.

Curvy—but in exactly the “right” places.

Social media adds another layer because we’re constantly exposed to carefully selected photographs, flattering angles, filters and edited images.

Even when we know intellectually that an image isn’t completely realistic, we can still compare ourselves to it emotionally.

Messages We Learned Growing Up

Body image can also begin much earlier.

Perhaps people commented on your weight.

Maybe you watched a parent constantly diet or criticize their own body.

Perhaps you developed earlier or later than your peers.

Maybe you received a lot of attention for being attractive and gradually learned that appearance was an important part of your value.

Or perhaps you were teased or criticized for how you looked.

Those experiences can stay with us.

When Appearance Becomes Connected to Self-Worth

Wanting to look attractive isn’t inherently unhealthy.

Most of us care, at least somewhat, about how we look.

The difficulty comes when appearance begins determining how worthy we feel.

If I look good, I’m confident.

If I’ve gained weight, I’m failing.

If someone finds me attractive, I’m valuable.

If I’m aging, I’m losing something important.

When our self-worth becomes heavily dependent on appearance, it can feel fragile because bodies inevitably change.

Part of body-image work can involve asking:

Who am I beyond what I look like?

Your Body Is More Than Something to Look At

One way of shifting our relationship with the body is to notice what it does, rather than only evaluating how it looks.

Your body lets you:

Walk.

Dance.

Hug someone.

Carry a child.

Swim.

Laugh.

Have sex.

Work.

Rest.

Feel the sun.

Recover.

Experience pleasure.

Move through the world.

You don’t have to love every part of your body every day to begin treating it with respect.

Sometimes body neutrality—“This is my body, and I don’t need to judge it constantly”—is a much more realistic place to begin than forcing yourself to believe everything about your body is beautiful.

Body Image and Aging

Aging can bring another layer to body image.

Our skin changes.

Our shape changes.

Hair changes.

Strength and recovery can change.

For women especially, there can be enormous cultural pressure to somehow age without appearing to age.

It can create a strange conflict between being grateful to grow older and grieving aspects of a younger body.

Both experiences can exist together.

Acceptance doesn’t require pretending that every change feels easy.

It means allowing yourself to experience those feelings without making your changing appearance evidence that you’ve become less valuable.

Movement: Care or Punishment?

Exercise can have a complicated relationship with body image.

Movement can help us feel strong, capable, energetic and connected to our bodies.

But it can also become punishment.

I ate too much, so I need to exercise.

I have to burn this off.

I can’t miss a workout or I’ll gain weight.

One useful question is:

“Am I moving my body because I care for it, or because I’m trying to punish it?”

The exact same workout can come from two very different relationships with ourselves.

Movement can become an opportunity to appreciate what your body is capable of rather than constantly trying to make it smaller or different.

Notice How You Speak to Yourself

Many people say things to themselves about their bodies that they would never say to another person.

I look disgusting.

My stomach is horrible.

I’ve let myself go.

Nobody will find me attractive.

The goal isn’t to replace every critical thought with a positive affirmation you don’t believe.

Start with curiosity.

Would I speak this way to someone I love?

Where did I learn that this part of my body was unacceptable?

What happens emotionally when I talk to myself this way?

Self-compassion doesn’t mean giving up.

It means recognizing that cruelty isn’t necessary for growth.

Comparison Can Steal Your Relationship With Your Own Body

Comparison is almost automatic.

But we rarely compare fairly.

We compare our ordinary body with someone’s best photograph.

Our current body with our younger body.

Our beginning with someone else’s years of work.

Our perceived weaknesses with someone else’s strengths.

When you notice yourself comparing, you don’t need to shame yourself for doing it.

Simply notice:

I’m comparing again.

Then bring your attention back to your own experience.

Mindfulness and Body Image

Mindfulness can help us become aware of body-related thoughts without immediately accepting them as truth.

You might notice:

“I’m having the thought that my body isn’t good enough.”

That’s subtly different from:

“My body isn’t good enough.”

One is a thought you’re observing.

The other becomes a fact about who you are.

That little bit of distance can matter.

You can read more about mindfulness and learning to observe thoughts without judgment.

Body Image and Intimacy

Body dissatisfaction can also affect relationships and sexuality.

You may avoid being naked.

Want the lights off.

Have difficulty receiving touch.

Become preoccupied with how your body looks during sex instead of experiencing what’s happening.

Or believe your partner is judging parts of your body that you’re judging yourself.

Feeling safer and more accepting within your body can make it easier to experience intimacy from the inside rather than watching and evaluating yourself from the outside.

When Body Image Is Affecting Your Life

Body-image concerns exist on a spectrum.

For some people, they’re occasional insecurities.

For others, thoughts about food, weight, exercise or appearance begin controlling significant parts of daily life.

If you’re restricting food, bingeing, purging, compulsively exercising or experiencing significant distress around eating or your body, additional specialized support may be appropriate.

You don’t need to wait until things become severe before talking to someone.

How Counselling Can Help With Body Image

Counselling isn’t about convincing you that you must love everything about your appearance.

Instead, we can become curious about the relationship you’ve developed with your body.

Where did your beliefs come from?

Whose standards are you trying to meet?

What does being attractive represent to you?

How much of your self-worth has become connected to appearance?

What would change if your body didn’t have to be a constant project?

Person-centred counselling creates space to explore these questions without judgment. You can read more about my person-centred approach to counselling.

Body Image Counselling in Nanaimo and Online

Developing a healthier relationship with your body doesn’t necessarily mean waking up every morning loving everything you see in the mirror.

It may mean something quieter.

Less comparison.

Less criticism.

More respect.

More freedom.

More connection to what your body feels like rather than only what it looks like.

And a growing understanding that your worth has never depended on fitting someone else’s definition of an acceptable body.

You can learn more about my counselling services in Nanaimo and online.

If you’d like to see whether working together feels like a good fit, you can request a free 15-minute consultation.