The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, helped me gain a better understanding of what attachment theory is and how it works in intimate relationships.
There are 3 mains styles of attachment:
Secure
Anxious-preoccupied
Avoidant-dismissive
According to the authors, the basic principle is that secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Anxious people crave intimacy, though are often preoccupied and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Each of these attachment styles differs in the way they view intimacy and togetherness, the way they deal with conflict, their attitudes toward sex, their ability to communicate needs and wishes, and their expectations they have of their partner and the relationship.
Genetics, as well as your early attachment experiences, can set the template for your relationships throughout your lifespan.
Adult attachment theory teaches us that our brain becomes wired to seek the support of our partner by ensuring the partner’s psychological and physical proximity.
If our partner fails to reassure us, we are programmed to continue our attempts to achieve closeness until the partner does. The theory also teaches us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.
When their emotional needs are met (the earlier the better), they usually turn their attention outward. This is sometimes referred to as the “dependency paradox.”
The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become. Numerous studies have shown that once we become attached to someone, the two people form one physiological unit.
Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood.
Dependency is a fact and not a choice or preference
When two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being. It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.
A secure base is a prerequisite for a child’s ability to explore, develop and learn, and is as essential for the child’s survival as food and water.
Our brain assigns our partner the task of being our secure base, the person we use as an emotional anchor and a safe haven, the one we turn to in time of need.
One of the most important roles we play in our partners’ lives is providing a secure base, creating conditions that enable our partner to pursue their interests and explore the world in confidence.
How to know your partner’s attachment style — a cheat sheet
Secure
Communicates relationship issues well
Is able to compromise
Not afraid of commitment or dependency
Doesn’t view relationships as hard work
Closeness creates further closeness
Introduces friends and family early on
Naturally expresses feelings for you
Doesn’t play games
Reliable and consistent
Makes decisions with you
Has a flexible view of relationship
Anxious
Wants a lot of closeness in the relationship
Expresses insecurities, worries about rejection
Unhappy when not in a relationship
Plays games to keep attention and interest
Has difficulty explaining what is bothering him/her; expects you to guess
Acts out
Has a hard time not making things about him/her in the relationship
Lets you set the tone of the relationship
Is preoccupied with the relationship
Fears that small acts will ruin the relationship, believes she/he must work hard to keep the partner’s interest
Suspicious that you may be unfaithful
Avoidant
Sends mixed signals
Values his/her independence
Devalues you or previous partner
Uses distancing strategies
Emphasizes boundaries in the relationship
Has an unrealistically romantic view of how a relationship should be
Fears being taken advantage of by partner
Uses uncompromising rules and has a rigid view of the relationship
Doesn’t make intentions clear
Has difficulty talking about what is going on between you
The secure attachment style person tends to be reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. They are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive, without worrying much about losing their partner’s love. They feel comfortable with intimacy and closeness and have an uncanny ability to communicate their needs and respond to their partner’s needs.
An anxious attachment style person is more vigilant, watching for changes in others’ emotional expressions, and has a high degree of sensitivity to cues.
An anxious person tends to jump to conclusions quickly, and when they do, they tend to misinterpret people’s emotional states. They need to wait a little longer before reacting and jumping to conclusions.
An avoidant attachment style person is like a lonesome traveler on the journey of life and relationships. They can be quick to think negatively about their partners, often seeing their partner as needy and overly dependent.
Avoidant people tend to have a dismissive attitude toward connectedness. The problem is that along with a self-reliant attitude, they have also trained themselves not to care about the person closest to them, and often blame their unhappiness on their partner.
They believe it’s not their job to take care of somebody else’s well-being, and often use sex to distance themselves from their partner.
The Anxious-Avoidant relationship
There is a dangerous trap — also referred to as a dance — that relationships can fall into. It’s an anxious-avoidant relationship, where one partner is anxious, and the other is avoidant. In this kind of relationship, the partners find it hard to move toward more security because they are trapped in a cycle of exacerbating each other’s insecurities.
Avoidants often inflate their self-esteem and sense of independence in comparison to someone else. And if you are anxious, you are programmed to feel “less than” when your attachment system gets activated.
The anxious partner is usually the one who must make concessions and accept the rules imposed by the avoidant partner.
Other patterns we see in these anxious/avoidant cycles is a high degree of secrecy and blaming the other person for being jealous and needy, while finding ways to spend less time together.
If you’re an anxious person with an avoidant partner, you may feel as if you’re constantly being rejected and rebuffed. After a while you may start blaming yourself, and you might feel unattractive or inadequate.
When the two of you succeed in building a secure relationship, everyone wins. If you are anxious, you get the closeness you crave, and if you are avoidant, you will enjoy the independence you need.
Here are five secure principles for resolving conflict
Show basic concern for the other person’s well-being
Maintain focus on the problem at hand
Refrain from generalizing the conflict
Be willing to engage
Effectively communicate feeling and needs
Whatever attachment style you developed as a child, if it’s causing you difficulties in relationships, please know that you can change for the better over time, particularly with counselling.
Schedule a free session with me to see whether I can help.
Note: I use the terms “counselling” and “therapy” interchangeably throughout this website.
Transpersonal therapists work under a larger umbrella than many other therapists. We have a more varied tool box with which to work from, as we are trained in spiritual counselling as well as modern psychological interventions. It really is the best of both worlds.
Each model has its own theory of human development and its own way of working. Some practitioners, like me, take an eclectic approach, which means that we draw on elements from a variety of different models when working with our clients.
Some styles of counselling are “directive” (suggesting courses of action and perhaps giving homework exercises), and others are “non-directive” (where the client takes the lead in what’s discussed). My work falls into the “non-directive” category.
Below is a summary of the different therapy models I draw from. These represent the main therapeutic orientations taught in my three-year Clearmind International Transpersonal Counselling Program.
Transpersonal counselling
This is an integrative and holistic approach that utilizes creative imagination. It assumes a spiritual dimension to life and human nature. It also presupposes the interconnectedness of all beings with a higher spiritual power, and specifically addresses the bridge between the two.
Transpersonal counselling emphasizes personal empowerment. It takes account of the client’s past experiences, but also looks to the future and what is likely to unfold for them, the challenges they may face, and the qualities that need to emerge to meet those challenges.
The basic belief is that whatever the hardships of human experience, the core essence — or soul — remains undamaged. Unlike most forms of psychotherapy that concentrate on improving mental health, transpersonal therapy takes a more holistic approach, addressing mental, physical, social, emotional, creative, and intellectual needs, with an emphasis on the role of a healthy spirit in healing.
To facilitate healing and growth, transpersonal therapy places great emphasis on honesty, open-mindedness, and self-awareness on the part of the therapist as well as the client.
Humanistic therapy
This approach emphasizes a person’s capacity to make rational choices and develop to their maximum potential. Concern and respect for others are also important themes.
Three types of humanistic therapy are especially influential: person-centered therapy, Gestalt therapy, and existential therapy:
Person-centered (or client-centered) counselling
This is based on the principle that the counsellor provides three core conditions (or essential attributes) that are, in themselves, therapeutic:
Empathy (the ability to imagine oneself in another person’s position)
Unconditional positive regard (warm positive feelings, regardless of the person’s behaviour)
Congruence (honesty and openness)
The counsellor uses the relationship with the client as a means of healing and change. The counsellor provides little authority or direction. Instead, they offer subtle guidance on an individual’s life or mental illness, and encourage the client to take control of their future.
Gestalt therapy
Gestalt therapy emphasizes personal responsibility and helps clients focus on the present. It also stresses the development of the therapist-client relationship, the social context of the client’s life, awareness, attitudes and direct feelings and perceptions rather than interpretations.
Gestalt therapy encourages people to have an active awareness of their present situation and also incorporates communication that goes beyond words. A key part of Gestalt counselling is the dramatization, or acting out, of important conflicts in a person’s life.
This could involve using two or more chairs, for instance, so that they can physically take up different positions to represent different aspects of themselves.
Existential therapy
Existential psychotherapy is based on the model of human nature and experience developed by the existential tradition of European philosophy. It focuses on concepts that are universally applicable to human existence including death, freedom, responsibility, and the meaning of life.
Many existential therapists also make use of basic skills like empathic reflection, Socratic questioning, and active listening. Some may also draw on a wide range of techniques derived from other therapies such as psychoanalysis, Cognitive-behavioural therapy, person-centered, somatic, and Gestalt therapy.
Cognitive-behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT isa directive model, concerned with the way people’s beliefs about themselves shape how they interpret experiences. The objective is to change self-defeating or irrational beliefs and behaviours by altering negative ways of thinking.
Clients learn to monitor their emotional upsets and what triggers them, to identify self-defeating thoughts, to see the connections between their beliefs, feelings and behaviour, to look at the evidence for and against these thoughts and beliefs, and to think in a way that is more realistic and less negative.
The counsellor usually gives the client tasks or homework to do between sessions. This could mean recording thoughts and feelings or doing something that tests out a basic assumption about themselves. This might mean, for instance, going shopping when their fear is that they may panic.
Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is a modified form of cognitive therapy that incorporates mindfulness practices such as meditation and breathing exercises.
Family systems therapy
Family systems therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps individuals resolve their problems in the context of their family units, where many issues are likely to begin. Each family member works together with the others to better understand their group dynamic and how their individual actions affect each other and the family unit as a whole.
One of the most important premises of family systems therapy is that what happens to one member of a family happens to everyone in the family. Many psychological issues begin early in life and stem from relationships within the family of origin, or the family one grows up in, even though these issues often surface later on in life.
Families in conflict, as well as couples and individuals with issues and concerns related to their families of origin, can benefit from family systems therapy.
Attachment-based therapy
Attachment-based therapy is a process-oriented form of psychological counselling. The client-therapist relationship is based on developing or rebuilding trust and centers on expressing emotions.
An attachment-based approach to therapy looks at the connection between an infant’s early attachment experiences with primary caregivers, usually with parents, and the infant’s ability to develop normally and ultimately form healthy emotional and physical relationships as an adult.
Attachment-based therapy aims to build or rebuild a trusting, supportive relationship that will help prevent or treat anxiety or depression.
Psychodrama
Psychodrama is an action method, in which clients use spontaneous dramatization, role playing, and dramatic self-presentation to investigate and gain insight into their lives.
AEDP encourages people to develop a secure attachment so they can physically experience and process difficult emotions. In this approach, the therapist establishes a safe, supportive relationship with the client, and that relationship provides the environment needed for change to occur.
Somatic therapy
Therapists who practice somatic body psychotherapy believe a person’s inner feelings impact their physical form. They use mind-body exercises to release pent-up trauma from the mind and the body. By releasing these bodily sensations, a therapist works towards healing trauma from the inside out with this form of trauma therapy.
Somatic experiencing therapy is a specific approach to somatic therapy and is based on the idea that traumatic experiences cause dysfunction in a person’s nervous system and prevent them from processing the experience.
The goal of somatic experiencing therapy, therefore, is to help an individual notice physical sensations stemming from their mental health issues and use that awareness to work through painful feelings and emotions. This kind of physical sensation can be in the form of chronic pain and other unpleasant symptoms.
Psychodynamic therapy
This is based on the idea that past experiences have a bearing on experiences and feelings in the present, and that important relationships, perhaps from early childhood, may be replayed with other people later in life.
It translates the principles and insights of psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy into once-a-week counselling.
The counsellor usually aims to be as neutral a figure as possible, giving little information about him or herself, making it more likely that important relationships (past or present) will be reflected in the relationship between the client and the counsellor.
This relationship is therefore an important source of insight for both parties and helps the client to work through their difficulties. Developing a trusting and reliable relationship with the counsellor is essential for this work.
Next steps
If you’ve tried to solve your problems on your own and you’re starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, you need outside support, I’m glad you’re here.
Asking for help can be hard, but it’s a great first step toward lasting change.
I will meet you with flexibility, adapting my approach to your unique circumstances. I will help you become who you authentically are, and will greet you with acceptance, knowing that diversity is what makes human beings beautiful.
I see vulnerability as the window to connection and will hold your vulnerability with care and compassion. I take confidentiality seriously and have processes in place to guarantee your privacy.
Your next step: Schedule a free session with me to see how it goes. I look forward to meeting you!
Note: I use the terms “counselling” and “therapy” interchangeably throughout this website.
One of my favourite counselling modalities is drawn from the philosophy of person-centered therapy. It’s a non-directive approach to talk therapy, which means that the therapist believes the client has all the answers within them. The client simply needs a safe non-judgemental space to explore what is alive inside them.
Person-centered therapy is a form of psychotherapy developed by psychologist Carl Rogers in the 1940s. Rather than having an “expert” treating a “patient,” the therapist and client are seen as equal partners.
Person-centered therapy assumes that people are essentially trustworthy and have a vast potential for understanding themselves and resolving their own problems. It emphasizes the client’s capacity for self-awareness and self-healing. The therapist fosters a climate that promotes growth.
The philosophy of this approach is that people are essentially good, and they know what’s right for them. The essential ingredients of successful person-centered therapy are love and empathy.
What to look for in a person-centered therapist
Congruence — being genuine and real. The therapist is willing to transparently relate to clients without hiding behind a professional facade
Unconditional positive regard, acceptance, and caring. This means that the therapist offers acceptance of the client’s feelings and actions, is willing to accept the client as they are, and maintains a positive attitude toward them. The therapist also listens attentively without interrupting, judging, or giving advice.
Empathetic understanding (see below)
The goals of person-centered therapy
With person-centered therapy, the client achieves a greater degree of independence and integration. The therapist provides a climate conducive to helping the individual become a fully functional person.
Clients are encouraged to live in the present rather than in the past or future, and to rely on their own inner experience of each moment to guide their behavior, carry out the responsibilities of their life, and contribute to the world to the best of their ability.
Through a therapeutic attitude of genuine caring, respect, acceptance, support and understanding, the client is able to loosen their defenses and rigid perceptions and move to a higher level of personal functioning.
As the client begins to understand and accept, they become less defensive and more open to their experience. They also become less concerned about meeting the expectations of others and begin to behave in ways that are truer to themselves, increasingly trusting themselves to manage their own lives. Being accepted = accepting themselves.
The therapist’s attitude and way of being with the client constitutes the heart of the change process. The process of being with clients and entering their world perceptions and feelings is often sufficient for bringing about change.
Person-centered therapy assumes that the client has the resourcefulness for positive movement without the counsellor assuming an active, directive role.
This approach emphasizes staying with the client in the moment, rather than getting ahead of them with interpretations. The therapist’s attitude is more important than knowledge, theory, or techniques. The intent is to promote growth, development, maturity, and improved functioning in daily life.
How empathy helps you heal
Empathy is understanding the feelings of another person. A skilled therapist can understand the client and support them by paying attention and valuing their experience. They can help the client see their earlier experiences in new ways, modify their perception of themselves, and increase confidence in making choices and pursuing a course of action.
Research has consistently demonstrated that a therapist’s empathy and radical curiosity are the most potent predictors of a client’s progress in therapy.
A person-centered therapist can see through the client’s eyes, “be in their shoes,” and at the same time retain their own identity. The therapist can sense the client’s subjective experience “as if” they were the client, but never assume they understand based on their own frame of reference.
How to know if your therapist is person-centered
Here’s how to know whether your therapist is person-centered: You should be able to share your internal experiences without your therapist making any judgments, or giving you direct guidance or advice. The relationship you create together is an important part of person-centered therapy.
If you don’t feel understood or supported, it might be important to address these concerns, and if that doesn’t work, consider finding someone else instead.
10 traits of a person-centered therapist:
Sets clear boundaries
Has the attitude that the client knows best
Acts as a sounding board
Isn’t judgemental
Doesn’t make decisions for you
Concentrates on what you are really saying
Is genuine and doesn’t hide behind a professional facade
Accepts negative emotions
Their attitude towards you is more important than their theories
They know their limitations in supporting a client
My promise to you
As a person-centered therapist, I will meet you with flexibility, adapting my approach to your unique circumstances. I will help you become who you authentically are, and will greet you with acceptance, knowing that diversity is what makes human beings beautiful.
I see vulnerability as the window to connection and will hold your vulnerability with care and compassion. I take confidentiality seriously and have processes in place to guarantee your privacy.
Your next step: Schedule a free session with me to see how it goes. I look forward to meeting you!
Self care tips… Being busy should never come at the cost of your overall physical and mental well-being. Not taking the time to care for yourself can put you at increased risk for depression, burnout, and anxiety, which can make you less resilient, productive, and happy. If taking a vacation or going on a full-day spa excursion doesn’t fit into your life, there are a few things you can do at home to help promote mental health through self-care. Keep reading to learn more.
Get Enough Sleep
Getting enough sleep is one of the most valuable methods of facilitating mental well-being. The long-term consequences of sleep deprivation can include heart disease, weight gain, depression, a weakened immune system, and dementia. It’s no wonder that sleep-related illness accounts for $16 billion in medical costs per year. If you want to reduce your risk for the aforementioned sleep deprivation consequences, be sure to get enough sleep.
To start, it may be necessary to evaluate your relationship with sleep. Do you view it as a necessity? Do you have a sleep routine? What makes you sleep poorly? Asking yourself these questions can help to identify the route of your sleep issue. For example, if you sleep poorly only when you haven’t exercised, consider making exercise a part of your daily routine. Additionally, try limiting caffeine, alcohol, and late-night snacks. If you suffer from systemic sleep issues, this may be an indicator of a more serious sleep disorder. If this sounds like you, make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
Do Something You Love
Doing a hobby or activity you love can break-up your daily routine, reduce stress, increase self-esteem, and facilitate relaxation. All too often, people have the tendency to put their passions on life’s “back burner” in favor of more immediate responsibilities — work, chores, errands, etc. That being said, doing something you love each day is a great way to learn new skills, break up daily monotony, stay social, and help keep you motivated.
There are thousands of hobbies out there waiting for you — all you have to do is find them. Many people find volunteering, exercising, arts and crafts, reading, and taking online classes to be highly beneficial for mental health. Consider dedicating a portion of your day (or at least week) to your chosen activity. If time is a concern, consider learning more about maximizing productivity and finding “hidden time” during the day. For many, finding more personal time involves perfecting one’s ability to “say no” to stress-inducing, unnecessary demands. Remember, your well-being is a priority, so make time to do what you love.
At-Home Spa Day
Spending time alone facilitates thoughtfulness, personal reflection, and relaxation. Having an at-home spa day (or evening) can give you the time you need to decompress and reflect on your day/week. With just a few DIY techniques, you can bring the health benefits of an expensive spa to your own home. Start by dimming the lights and preparing some of your favorite spa materials — bubble bath, manicure kit, face mask, etc. You can even prepare in advance by making some of your own spa solutions such as body scrubs, lotions, and hair masks. While it may be tempting to turn on your favorite TV show, try to use this time to unplug from technology (your phone included). While technology is wonderful, there is evidence to suggest that unplugging from devices now and then can be highly beneficial. To break the silence, consider turning on some relaxing music.
Self-care is highly important to your overall mental health. Sleep, hobbies, and taking time for yourself are all highly effective ways to reduce stress and increase personal resilience. Now is the time to make self-care a daily priority.
Suicide is a deeply tragic and complex phenomenon that affects individuals, families, and communities across all demographics. In Canada, it is a pressing public health issue, particularly among Indigenous communities, where rates of suicide are disproportionately high. For individuals under 44 years old, suicide remains a leading cause of death. Each year, approximately 4,000 Canadians lose their lives to suicide, and alarmingly, rates among teenage girls continue to rise.
Despite its prevalence, suicide can be prevented with awareness, timely intervention, and support. Recognizing the warning signs, understanding the causes, and knowing how to take action are crucial steps to saving lives.
Warning Signs of Suicide
Identifying the warning signs of suicide can make a significant difference. It allows individuals to intervene and provide much-needed support. If you or someone you know exhibits these signs, take them seriously and seek help immediately.
Common warning signs include:
Suicidal talk or expressions of hopelessness
Drastic changes in behaviour (e.g., lethargy or hyperactivity)
Giving away personal possessions
Making changes to a will or personal affairs
Increased use of drugs or alcohol
Engaging in self-harm or risky behaviours
Social withdrawal and isolation
Unusual sleep patterns (e.g., insomnia or excessive sleeping)
If someone talks about feeling like a burden, losing purpose, or wanting to escape their pain, these may also indicate suicidal thoughts. Having a compassionate, non-judgmental conversation can open the door for help.
Understanding Why People Consider Suicide
Suicide stems from a variety of factors, often influenced by mental health conditions, personal circumstances, or social environments. Counsellors and mental health professionals identify six primary reasons people may consider suicide:
Depression: Severe depression can create feelings of despair, making individuals believe that their situation will never improve. With treatment, such as therapy and medication, depression is highly manageable.
Psychosis: Mental health conditions such as schizophrenia can involve delusions or hallucinations that distort reality. Proper medical and therapeutic intervention is critical in these cases.
Substance Abuse: Addiction can amplify impulsive behaviours, particularly when combined with underlying emotional pain. Treating substance dependency alongside mental health is essential.
A Cry for Help: Some individuals engage in suicidal behaviours not intending to die but as a way to seek attention or express deep distress. These cries should never be dismissed but met with care and action.
Terminal Illness or Philosophical Decisions: Individuals facing terminal conditions may choose suicide as a way to regain control. Open discussions about end-of-life care and support can help address these feelings.
Accidental Outcomes: Risk-taking behaviours or experimenting with dangerous practices can lead to unintentional fatalities.
Suicide Prevention Plans
Developing a suicide prevention plan can be a life-saving step for those at risk. This plan often involves:
Identifying Triggers: Recognizing situations, thoughts, or feelings that lead to distress.
Emergency Contacts: Keeping a list of trusted friends, family, or professionals who can be contacted in a crisis.
Crisis Resources: Knowing where to turn for immediate help, such as a suicide hotline or local counselling services.
Safety Measures: Removing or limiting access to means of self-harm (e.g., firearms, medication).
Self-Soothing Techniques: Engaging in activities that promote calmness, like deep breathing, journaling, or connecting with nature.
Work with a qualified counsellor to create a personalised plan that suits the individual’s needs and circumstances.
How to Help Someone Contemplating Suicide
Supporting someone in crisis requires empathy, patience, and action. Here are steps you can take:
Start the Conversation: Approach the person with care. Ask direct but non-judgmental questions like, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “How can I support you right now?”
Listen Without Judgment: Allow them to express their feelings openly. Avoid offering solutions immediately or minimizing their emotions.
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest reaching out to a counsellor, therapist, or crisis line. Offer to help them find resources or accompany them if they feel apprehensive.
Be Present: Your presence alone can be a source of comfort. Avoid leaving someone who is actively suicidal alone.
Act in Emergencies: If you believe someone is at immediate risk, call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room.
Available Resources
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, resources are available to provide immediate support. Some of the key helplines in Canada include:
Vancouver Island Crisis Line: 1-888-494-3888 Available 24/7, providing emotional support and intervention services.
Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 Text support: 45645 (2 PM–2 AM ET)
1-800-SUICIDE: 1-800-784-2433 Provides suicide assessment, de-escalation, and intervention services.
310Mental Health Support: 310-6789 Available 24/7 for mental health-related concerns.
For international calls, the Vancouver Island Crisis Line can also be reached at 1-250-754-4447.
Seeking Professional Counselling
Working with a licensed counsellor can provide long-term solutions and coping strategies for those struggling with suicidal thoughts or their loved ones. Counsellors offer a safe space to explore emotions, develop resilience, and navigate complex challenges.
Through a combination of therapy, medication (if necessary), and holistic support, recovery is possible. Many individuals who have faced suicidal thoughts go on to lead fulfilling, meaningful lives with the right help.
Final Thoughts
Suicide is preventable. By raising awareness, fostering open conversations, and ensuring access to professional counselling and crisis resources, we can save lives. If you or someone you care about is struggling, remember that support is available, and hope is never lost.
Mindfulness is a transformative practice that fosters awareness, presence, and acceptance. It involves being fully present in the moment without judgment, allowing us to experience life as it unfolds. By letting go of distractions, fears, and expectations, mindfulness enables us to connect with our surroundings and ourselves on a deeper level. This practice, rooted in ancient traditions, has gained significant recognition in modern psychology and counseling for its profound impact on mental health and well-being.
Understanding the “Monkey Mind”
Our minds are often described as the “monkey mind” due to their tendency to swing from one thought, emotion, or sensation to another. This restless state can leave us trapped in the past, reliving regrets, or projecting anxieties onto the future. Such patterns disconnect us from the present, hindering our ability to experience life fully. Mindfulness helps calm this mental chatter, allowing us to observe our thoughts and feelings without becoming entangled in them.
The Science Behind Mindfulness
Numerous studies have shown that mindfulness practice can reshape the brain’s structure. Regular mindfulness meditation enhances areas associated with attention, emotional regulation, and empathy. It also reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain’s stress response center, leading to decreased levels of anxiety and depression.
Research highlights the following benefits of mindfulness:
Improved Focus and Memory: Mindfulness strengthens cognitive functions, helping you stay attentive and retain information more effectively.
Enhanced Emotional Regulation: By observing emotions without reacting impulsively, mindfulness fosters greater emotional balance.
Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Practicing mindfulness decreases cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress.
Better Sleep Quality: Mindfulness can alleviate insomnia and promote restful sleep.
Boosted Immune System: Regular practice has been linked to improved physical health and resilience.
How to Practice Mindfulness
1. Start with Simple Observation
The first step toward mindfulness is learning to “do nothing.” Find a quiet space, sit comfortably, and allow yourself to simply observe. Pay attention to your breath, bodily sensations, and the sounds around you. Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions as they arise, letting them pass like clouds in the sky without clinging or resisting.
2. Mindful Breathing
Your breath is a powerful anchor to the present moment. Pause and take a few deep breaths, feeling the air enter and leave your body. This simple act can ground you, reducing stress and fostering calm. Remember, every journey begins with a single breath.
3. Mindful Eating
Eating mindfully transforms a routine activity into a practice of awareness. Focus on the taste, texture, and aroma of each bite. Notice how your body feels as you eat. Are you hungry, or are you using food to suppress emotions like sadness or boredom? This practice not only promotes healthier eating habits but also deepens your appreciation of food.
4. Embrace Emotions Without Judgment
Mindfulness invites you to observe your emotions without trying to control or suppress them. Whether you’re feeling joy, anger, or sadness, acknowledge these emotions as part of your experience. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, recognizing that all feelings are temporary and part of the human condition.
5. Incorporate Mindfulness into Daily Life
Mindfulness isn’t limited to formal meditation sessions. You can bring mindful awareness into everyday activities such as walking, cleaning, or even waiting in line. Focus fully on the task at hand, immersing yourself in the present moment without distraction.
Mindfulness in Counseling
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we integrate mindfulness techniques to support our clients in Nanaimo and beyond. Mindfulness complements therapeutic approaches by helping clients:
Navigate Stressful Situations: Mindfulness equips individuals with tools to manage stress more effectively, fostering resilience.
Improve Relationships: By being present and attentive, mindfulness enhances communication and empathy in interpersonal connections.
Break Negative Thought Patterns: Observing thoughts without judgment empowers clients to challenge unhelpful cognitive patterns.
Mindfulness for Specific Concerns
Anxiety: Mindfulness reduces overthinking and anchors individuals in the present, alleviating worry about the future.
Depression: By cultivating gratitude and awareness, mindfulness shifts focus from negative ruminations to positive experiences.
Chronic Pain: Mindfulness can help manage pain by altering the perception of discomfort and fostering acceptance.
Mindfulness for Parents and Families
Mindfulness is especially beneficial for parents striving to balance the demands of family life. Practicing mindfulness can:
Enhance patience and presence with children.
Foster a calmer home environment.
Help parents model healthy coping mechanisms for their kids.
A Simple Exercise for Families
Try this mindful listening activity:
Sit together in a circle.
Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you for one minute.
Share what each person noticed after the exercise.
This practice encourages attentiveness and strengthens family bonds.
Getting Started with Mindfulness in Nanaimo
Embarking on a mindfulness journey doesn’t require special equipment or extensive training. Here are some tips to begin:
Set Aside Time: Start with just 5-10 minutes a day for mindfulness practice.
Create a Comfortable Space: Find a quiet, distraction-free area where you feel relaxed.
Seek Guidance: Consider joining a mindfulness workshop or working with a counselor trained in mindfulness techniques.
At Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling, we’re here to guide you every step of the way. Our approach integrates mindfulness to help clients achieve mental clarity, emotional balance, and a deeper connection to themselves. If you want more tips and ideas on how to manage your stress look at this post about stress management.
Mindfulness is a powerful practice that can transform your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. By cultivating presence and awareness, you can break free from the grip of the “monkey mind” and experience life with greater clarity and joy. Whether you’re new to mindfulness or looking to deepen your practice, Vancouver Island Holistic Counselling in Nanaimo offers a supportive space to explore and grow.
Take the first step toward a more mindful life today. Contact us to learn more about our counseling services and mindfulness workshops.
When two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being. It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.
Transpersonal therapists work under a larger umbrella than many other therapists. We have a more varied tool box with which to work from, as we are trained in spiritual counselling as well as modern psychological interventions. It really is the best of both worlds.
One of my favourite counselling modalities is drawn from the philosophy of person-centered therapy. It’s a non-directive approach to talk therapy, which means that the therapist believes the client has all the answers within them. The client simply needs a safe non-judgemental space to explore what is alive inside them.
Self care tips… Being busy should never come at the cost of your overall physical and mental well-being. Not taking the time to care for yourself can put you at increased risk for depression, burnout, and anxiety, which can make you less resilient, productive, and happy. If taking a vacation or going on a full-day spa excursion doesn’t fit into your life, there are a few things you can do at home to help promote mental health through self-care. Keep reading to learn more.
